{Sojourning}

January is not so cold this year.

2012-01-19T05:58:00.003Z

The time is 2 minutes until tomorrow (right now... not time of publishing this post. When it is published it will most certainly be tomorrow... or... today).

I drank a late cup of strong coffee. This would normally be a disaster for such an early bird like me but has proven to be a grand providence because of a project I have do for my class in Interpersonal Communication. Fortunately in the forgetting of myself in relation to bedtime and the consumption of strong coffee has allowed me to have the energy and alertness to see this project through.

Life has been steady here so far. The homework has started to pile up and again I face the mountain of things pulling at me from all directions building. Again, I find myself wondering how it is possible for a human being like me to fit everything into the average week and still make it through. Sometimes I ask the Lord for an extra 20 hours in every day to fit things. He knows what is best for me, so I suppose I must continue with what I have.

The times with the Lord have been good and I am thankful. It's not always this way... but it's nice when it is.

I enjoy good quality conversations these days.

Coffee is tasting better all the time.

I seem to miss English chocolate all the time.

Philippians Chp 2 has be a top passage for the year.

...

Context. Context. Context.

2012-01-10T03:35:00.002Z

I'd just finished playing a savage round of futsal with an enthusiastic bunch of Brazilian kids of the town of Itantaem, South-Eastern Brazil. We had been playing for hours and decided that we needed to have a rest in the classroom and get something to eat and drink. As a walked through the doorway to the classroom I noticed a Bible verse on the wall that had been there all the time but I just had not noticed it. In fact, the verse was one that I had heard often and thought little of it. However, this time something about it hit me.

The verse was that famous one in christian circles, and obviously the world over (or at least in South America). Philippians 4:13.

"I can do all thing through Christ who gives me strength."

There it was. On the wall in Portuguese waiting for me to see. As I waited in line for the drinking fountain I started to think, "All things"? What is that supposed to mean? So many have used this verse and said that they can do all things through Christ who gives them strength and yet have always failed to specify what those "things" actually are. I wondered for a moment about Paul and his intention when he wrote that verse if he really did mean that we can do all thing through Christ. I thought that there had to be more to this. Could I really do all things? Could I walk out the door and fly? Plant 1,000 churches in a week? Play for Man Utd? Score millions of goals for England in the next world cup? Can I really do all these things? Did Paul really mean that?

This verse continued to bug me. In fact, I would go as far as calling in my textual nemesis. It never made sense to me and yet I heard it so often and saw it used in all kinds of places. Had I missed the point that everyone else seemed to have grasped? Or was I just looking too deep into it and should leave it alone until it would be revealed to me in heaven one day?

Well I left it at that for a long time until this last semester when I preached through Philippians and unfortunately for me had to tackle this part of scripture. I toyed with skipping right over it but decided against it and went at it to really get to grips with it. Soon I started to understand a little more of what the professors at Moody had been talking about when they stressed that everything must be read in context (i.e reading around the verse to really understand what meaning was being conveyed). One professor went so far to say that scripture only becomes active and living at the level of scripture. He explained this by showing that anything smaller than a paragraph can really not be any different to other texts but at the size of a paragraph, chapter or book then has a very specific meaning and becomes the living word of God.

Imagine this...

James takes the ball and runs down the wing. He goes past one, then another (in my dreams) and heads for the by line. James crossed the ball over to Quincie in the middle who rises high in an effort to head the ball home. She makes contact and... the capital of France in Paris.

Doesn't make sense does it?

I think we do this with the Bible sometimes. We can be guilty of simply taking a small verse out of its context and using it wherever we think it fits. The chapter of book tells one story with all the chapters and verses included, working together to produce a thought or picture and yet we can remove what think fit and make it mean what we want it to say.

Let's apply this then to Philippians 4:13... I can do all things.

Well when we apply this principle of reading in context we understand a completely different picture of that verse. When we read back only a few verses we understand a context of Paul speaking about living contentedly and enduring through all situations and then, only then, does he say I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. All of a sudden Paul's words take on a new and probably more accurate meaning than what we understood before.

AND then before this Paul speaks about thinking about some really good things. With this extra context in mind we understand that Paul isn't writing about us being able to do absolutely anything, he is speaking about dwelling on such good things that when we walk through tough and good times we will be able to endure. Paul isn't speaking so much about a doing but rather a being. It's about who we are through the things that life throws at us.

There are many people who would be able to give a better explanation of this and perhaps you may completely disagree with me on everything. However, I have seen the value to looking at the Bible in context and allowing scripture to make sense at the level of scripture. It is alive, living and paradigm changing.

I think I'll end the little hermenuetics lesson here and go put some scripture into the context of the paragraph, chapter, book and entire Bible and let the meaning shine through.

Christmas 2011

2012-01-06T18:51:00.005Z

Since finishing Moody for the semester we have been in Washington for the Christmas break. It has been 3 very lovely weeks and now tomorrow we leave to return to the city for another 4 months or so of work.

Over the break we have had the privilege of seeing all kinds of family and friends. Only this last week Quinc and I went on a day trip to Portland in Oregon and then went for a 2nd January float down the river (which I believe is a Miller-record). We had Christmas eve in West Seattle looking out towards the Pacific Ocean and the Olympic Mountain range. We had Christmas day at Paul and Loni's with about 35-40 people here. We went skiing for the first time ever, which was a huge success. For New Years Eve we had a little gathering here at Paul and Loni's round the fire outside.

I think my highlight of the whole trip was during our float down the river. There were 4 of us in the boat (Quinc, Paul, Elana and Me) and we stopped just before it rained, got out and made a fire. It was an area of the river that Paul calls 'The Canyon' with some great overhanging trees and rocks that add to the natural untouched beauty of the place. Over the fire we cooked Marshmallows and sausages and warmed up, ready for the stretch home in the rain. I don't know what it is about being outside in those 'stopping' moments that just gets me. I loved it and look forward to maybe doing in again some day.

The photo below is from Christmas eve in West Seattle looking west out towards the pacific.

Memories...

2011-12-12T21:08:00.002Z

This first photo was a trek into the caves of the foothills of Mt Elgon with some friends. It turned out to be the most grueling walk of my life and made the 3 peak challenge feel like a walk in the park.

In the middle of the photo is my dear friend Pastor JOb Matimbai. He is one of the Kenyan Dream Team keeping the school going. He is a gentleman of integrity.

These two men with me are just as wonderful. Jacob on the left is a deaf pastor and helped build the school. Julius Juma on the right in a teacher who has served the school without pay for 2 years. He is now being paid and God has blessed his faithfulness. I miss them today.

Kutete (Wycliffe) and Evelyne. These two complete the dream team. Kutete, a legal genius with a heart of commitment and justice is still fighting away. Evelyne is full of faith and joy and loves the children as if they were her own. I think they make a wonderful couple. And just in case you are wondering... that elephant-brain looking thing is a Jack fruit.

Grandma Obama's Mangos

2011-12-12T02:34:00.001Z

This is dearest Seth and I eating mangos given to us by Obama's Grandmother. What a kind lady!

Generational Blind-Spots.

2011-12-11T18:43:00.003Z

The year is 2211. My name is Yun Chung and I have been a Pastor of the Chinese Deliverance Church for the last 12 years or so. I have just put the children to bed and now sit to write in this journal.

It's been a good year for the church. We have seen a lot of growth and many more people coming to the Lord. We hope that this will continue for us well into this century and beyond, contrary to how so many other nations have turned to the Lord and then fallen.

I grew up in the average Chinese Christian home. My mother and father were both Christians, their parents were also Christians, so it gave me a great background and foundation to my life with Jesus. In my teens I was called to be pastor of the Chinese church so I begun my studies in Theology and Bible. After a few years of study I was appointed as pastor and I now I find myself in this every growing empire of China with my own responsibilities and sheep to tend to.

It was only last week that I was reviewing my notes from University about the history of the Church and came across some really interesting things that I have not thought about in a long time. I can remember how interested I was to read about the early Christian church in the Greco-Roman empire and then throughout the dark ages. Then from the dark ages into Modernity which meant everybody gained that scientific view of the world around them. Then from Modernity to Post-Modernity which held for sometime until what we now see today, Post-Secularism.

It was interesting to read all over again how long it took the church to realise that the scientific method they had held onto for so long had fallen away. The church seemed to be at least 50 to 100 years behind the watching world. Then it got me thinking. I wonder if the church today in 2211 is behind the times. Are we laging behind? Do we have those huge generational blind-spots that seems to have haunted the church of Christ for this long of a time?

We look back to the 18th and19th century and see the church playing a massive role in the slave trade. It seemed as though many of the Christians in that day were blind to the fact that those Africans were indeed humans too. As historians we must look back with empathy, but still, it boggles the mind how they didn't see it. I suppose you could call it a generational blind-spot. A part of their world that they just did not analyse. A part of their world that they just didn't see to change and align with the Bible.

Then as we look further back into Church history we see Christians riding out on crusades. Their motives were to take back the Holy Land which doesn't seem such a bad thing until we read about the lives that the crusades cost. On their way, the Christians killed many innocent people who had nothing to do with the Holy Land. Here, perhaps, we see another generational blind-spot. It was a time when the church just didn't see the loss of innocent lives as being a big deal.

As church history progressed we saw a massive growth of Pentecostalism and thankfully a massive growth in the church in China. By the 20th century Christians were becoming more widely spread to all corners of the earth. Post-Modernism came and very little was done about it until the mid-21st century. Better late than never I suppose. But one the biggest characteristics of the 21st century Christianity that we may consider a generational blind-spot was 'missions'.

We all know, as Christians, that Jesus gave us the great commission in order for us to go to all nations and give them the gospel. During the 20th century the church took a hold of that commission more than ever before a went out. The idea developed and more people became interested. All of a sudden people were going from their small churches in urban and rural areas and travelling all over the world to far flung places to share Jesus' love.

The American church, aligning itself with this surrounding consumer culture included missions. Their mission ideologies were spread to churches all over the world, particularly small churches in Europe. It became a great opportunity for believers to get out around world, to see things that had never been seen before or to do things had never been done before. However, in the middle of this missions movement during the late 20th century and early 21st century there was a huge generational blind-spot.

Initially the churches would have thought they were doing a great job. Individuals and groups would gone out and traveled all over the world with the gospel. Some would have gone for years and others only for a couple of weeks. However, there was something very sad and forgotten about the early 21st century mission minded Christians.

Churches would send people all over the world. To deserts, jungles and tribes but completely forget their own community. Christians were traveling 6,000 miles and more with the message of Jesus Christ and yet the houses next door didn't know the gospel. Churches were sending people out and yet there people living on the same streets who knew nothing of Jesus. It seems stupid to us as we look back but they just didn't see it. It was a generational blind-spot that thankfully we don't have anymore.

I have read of stories written by Christian historians telling of Christians traveling to the middle of deserts and jungles, spending thousands and yet the family living right next to the church died out without knowing Jesus. They seem to want to be able to tell a good story or to feel good about themselves above the real reason for the truth. Granted, I am pleased to read that there were many specifically called to certain nations but still, streets died, with churches on them, without knowing Jesus. Going aboard to give the message of Jesus was mostly certainly a noble sacrifice for the gospel but it never made a difference until the community surrounding the church and the Christian changed.

There are stories of hope. Historians tell of some Christians traveling aboard and at the same time not forgetting to tell their home communities about Jesus. Sadly, these stories seem few and far between. Could this have been one of the most fatal generational blind-spots ever seen? The worldwide church's mission ideology effectively getting people away from commitment for more than 2 or 3 weeks and hiding the surrounding communities from the gospel. I wonder what the world would look like today in the 23rd century if the church had understood that surrounding communities were important too. 6,000 miles to give the gospel and their home streets laid to waste.

I hope that today, where we are as a church in 23rd century China we make every effort to get away from these generational blind-spots.

Au.then.ti.city.

2011-12-08T22:32:00.002Z

I just got back from my last class of the year. It was a class entitled 'Exploring Music' led by a professor of Music here at Moody. It's a class that every student must take, regardless of the fact that he or she my studying theology, sports ministry or counseling. In fact, I think it was D.L. Moody himself who said that each student should take a music class since it is such a rich yet controversial subject within the church.

A few weeks ago the class was split into 6 groups of 5 in each and given a choice of two things to do for the final presentation. Choice number one was to pick two genres of music, compare them and show what makes them distinctive. Choice number two was to write and perform a church service (with music and sermon/thought) using creativity and sensitivity. However, as soon as I read through these two choices my stomach immediately turned at choice number two. Something didn't make sense here. Something like choosing the second option would lead to some kind of act, performance or an opportunity to show the class what one can do.

I breathed a sigh of relief as my group selected option number one and chose to look at the Blues and Jazz of Chicago. I couldn't imagine for a second how it would work to take that intimate act in giving praise to God turn it into a performance or show-off session and present it to the class. I could see how a class performance would destroy the authenticity I seem to crave more and more.

As the class went round and gave their final decisions on what they would be doing, it became clear that we were the only group doing option number one and everyone else, all other 5 groups were doing number two. I was interested to see how this was to work out. Would the groups be able to play two roles at once? One being an authentic praise-giver and another being the performer for the project. Is this possible?

Unfortunately I don't think it is possible. I found it impossible to give a review. My subjectivities in my desire for an authentic service of praise made it extremely difficult for me to give an answer. My want for authenticity could not let the group project transcend my subjectivities and allow me to see it as a project and nothing more. One moment we were singing and the next we were praying for an imaginary church that had never existed. What was I to do? Pray for that church with the group? Sing with those showing off their talents at the front as though this were there only opportunity to make it big one day?

I could certainly appreciate everyone's creativity. Their ideas and song selection would be great in a genuine church. The task they had chosen, however, made it very difficult to find that elusive authenticity.

I realised today, on my way back home, that I do really have a hunger for authenticity. I think the generation I live in shares it too. There is a desire all around for people not to act and put on a front. There is an all around want to tear down that obvious lack of authenticity that we all can see straight through.

Perhaps thats why pastors such as Mark Driscoll, Matt Chandler and others do so well in attracting masses to their sermons. They open the Bible and say, "Here is the Bible and also here am I". They are open and they show it. People see it and people respond. They are authentic and demand authenticity from those around them.

I have heard it said that preaching is essentially an act. In a way I agree with it yet at the same time I don't. Preaching is taking the Word and opening yourself up bare and naked. Preaching should be authentic and honest. Open and vulnerable. I don't think Jesus ever acted or performed when he taught. Every moment would have been authentic. The apostles followed this example and many saw Jesus in that.

Authenticity. If you don't have it they'll see that you don't. Plainly.

If you do have it many will see Jesus through you. Opened right up.

Sofa and Bed

2011-12-06T04:35:00.001Z

Some lovely couple gave this to us. What I lovely surprise! If I had had a chair to fall off of I might have do so.

20 cars.

2011-12-06T04:09:00.003Z

I must have far too much time on my hands at the moment. I am here again.

I came up with an idea for next sunday's sermon as I have finished Philippians and have one more week to fill. It's going to be a Christmas message but I don't think it'll be the usual Luke 1 kinda Christmas sermon. I shall return in Philippians chp 2 as Paul writes of Jesus stepping down from heaven taking on ultimate humility. They should be familiar with that passage since we only looked at it about 2 months ago. Who knows really. We'll find out when I say, "Do you remember...?"

Quincie and I spent the evening at our friends, Nathan and Celeste's, apartment. They, unlike many other couples in this building, have an 11 day old baby boy. We all on floor 5 have been anticipating the birth of this beloved fellow since we got here and now he is with us, all 7 pounds of him. Asher Timothy is his name, and we pray he lives up to those who have gone before him with such titles.

A new life has something special about it. I know that you know this but I just wanted to get it out. As we grow we see it more but never really as kids.

I can remember sitting in the back seat of our old Peugoet 305 with my brother Wills firing questions at Mum over the music. I must have only been 6 or so, and Wills about 4. As cars were our in thing at the time we thought we should ask Mum about how valuable she thought we were. So, we would ask her questions of comparison trying to understand how valuable we were to her.

The question would go, "Muuuuummm?"

"Yes, boys"

"Would you swap us for a car?"

"No, of course not", she would respond.

"What about 5 cars?"

"No"

"Even 20 cars?" (exhausting our abilities to count)

"No. Nothing. No cars would be enough."

Wills and I would look at each other in amazement and whisper to each other about how crazy she was not to have 20 cars. Cars were of extreme importance at that age and should be obtained at any length. But Mum, just as she said, never swapped us for a few cars. At the time it didn't compute that we were really worth more than 20 cars. How could she not want 20 cars?!

I could see in the eyes of the gloating new parents tonight how their little one was worth far more than 20 cars, even 100 cars (little boys please don't read that)! The value of that life was something to behold as he was handled with extreme care. I wonder if Asher will ever know how much he is loved this side of heaven. Probably not but I am sure his parents will do their best to show him.

Tonight, I find myself going off to bed being thankful for life. Thankful for little ones and the joys they bring. Thankful for parents and how they'd rather have us than a whole load of cars.

I am pleased I wasn't swapped, Mum wouldn't know what to do with all those cars... she has enough trouble with one. Mum and Dad have me and Wills instead and I hope thats still ok.

Bed time :)

Night. zzzzzzzzz.

2011-12-04T00:24:00.002Z

My third semester at Moody has only about 12 days remaining. Soon, Quinc and I will be on that plane flying over the US and ending up in Seattle for 23 days.

I love getting to those small yet personal milestones in life, like the end of a year, finishing a book or completing something that you just loved. I suppose I am at one of those time now when it is time to stop, look around, look back and do a little review. If you'd like to be a part of my reflection then, please, keep reading.

Tomorrow will be my last sermon in Philippians. Over the last few months with the elderly people in the Western suburbs of Chicago I having been teaching Paul's letter to the Philippians. We have looked at the fact that God isn't finished with us yet, righteousness is found in Jesus alone and some general principles of Christian living. Sometimes I feel like I have been preaching to a brick wall, especially when our resident Polish lady persistently asks me for holy water. Every week, the same response... It's Jesus that makes one holy, not water. The stories continue but so but time, so I'll move on.

The first 6 months of marriage... fantastic, as you might expect. Before we got married we probably asked 20 couples what they thought made a great marriage and they gave us something along the lines of, "It'll be hard, you'll want to kill them at times so you have to sacrifice". So, as you might expect, we prepared for war. The war hasn't come yet and I see no sign of it, we remain ready and waiting.

The of my Philosophy class. I just loved it. It has been said that Theology and Philosophy are often dependent on each other and I can clearly see that. It is, of course, a system, so it's not fail proof but it really helps one to get a grasp on how we are the way we are today, particularly in post-modern England. Although it's the end of my class my philosophy doesn't stop here, there will be a lot more reading to do.

West Special School has become a monumental part of my life. I have learnt more through that school than anything else in my life. Primarily, if someone tells you it can't be done, don't listen. The Lord's provision has been evident. To such an extent that if any person who doesn't believe in God's supernatural supervision would have had absolutely no answers to what has been going on there. The school is beyond science and reason.

We have some wonderful new friends here. I find myself thankful for our new Kiwi, Canadian and Californian friends, as well as the friends we made last year. The guys I work with while cleaning remain as faithful and challenging as ever, I will sorely miss them one day.

A speech, three exams and some reading left. I'll let you know how it all goes. The rest of tonight I will finish watching Ratatouille and go to work until the early hours of the morning.

Funnily enough I just got my first Christmas feeling and work doesn't seem that taxing after all.

Nothing in Particular.

2011-11-23T00:16:00.003Z

I think back to when I started this blog and feel mixed emotions. A huge part of me wants to forget everything that I wrote back when it begun in 2008 whilst in the USA. I suppose I am mostly embarrassed, to tell you the truth, about how I used to think and act. Looking back, I seemed nothing more than a spiritual baby trying to make sense of the world with nothing but good times to look at. Now, a good few years on, I am a lot different. A little more whethered in a sense. A little more confused in another. Still struggling for that clarity of a thought in maturity and still being battered by all different kinds of theologies and philosophies.

But, I will not do away with the testimony of my past. The posts tell a story, a story of me and my walk with God. They tell of a journey that stretches throughout the globe in search of an identity that is becoming a reality in Christ. I must instead view these past posts without embarrassment but with thankfulness in my present and a very hopeful future.

The semester is winding down now. I have two large exams and one speech to go. Quincie and I will leave here exhausted and full. We look forward to our time in Washington of seeing family, hanging out with little Declan, reading, walking, fishing, and visiting friends. It will be a three weeks of slowing down and getting down a few things we've wanted to do for the last 4 months or so. For me, I will read about hermeneutics, a foundational subject I am virtually clueless about. I hope to have long conversations with Mum, Dad, Will and Fran at home and maybe even catch a glimpse of Bella on the Webcam. More than anything, I want to walk around Rainier in Washington and soak some stillness for moment and do what humans were originally created to do, rest.

I can see that the pattern of the last 6 months is most likely to continue, (notice, the phrase 'most likely'). It seems to be full of weighty things to carry, although privileged I am, it doesn't make them any lighter. West Special School still, in many respects, rests firmly upon my shoulders. The Lord is in control, I am rest assured in that, but there is certainly an element of me carrying the weight of these lives. The church we lead at the old people's home can be heavy at times. 25 lives there, all in need of love and attention, care and affection, and in my eyes, more than ever like a flock of sheep. Yes, I am blessed but the responsibility is of the most unenviable order. Who could ever want to bear the weight of so many other lives? For me, I can barely hold myself together, yet I am entrusted with so many others. A paradox, to say the least, dear friend.

Philosophy will continue to captivate my thinking. Theology will continue to present me with systems. Determinism and Libertarianism can take a back seat for a moment.

Deep breath.

Oh, it's Thanksgiving in 2 days.

Late-Sept

2011-09-28T00:22:00.002+01:00

I feel as though I blinked and now we are 6 weeks into our jam-packed semester. Classes have been going well and I have been learning more about God and myself than I ever have before. The more I learn, the more I realise that I didn't know which is a very painful thing. Learning is painful.

I suppose I have been wading through spiritual immaturity for too long. Not so much a broad knowledge of the Bible and how to performance exegetical gymnastics but a down-to-earth maturity in my personal life and spiritual life (which go hand in hand). There has been such a lack of clear understanding in even the most simple things, hidden to me by giant blind spots. I have been witness to so many people lifting themselves out of the marshland and into a clearer view of what it means to please God fully and I in all my pride have, for some reason, decided to stay where I am thinking that I am well and good.

I wonder what is makes for someone to be mature? Spiritually, emotionally and mentally? What would bring me out and on the road to maturity? You know, the road-that-never-ends road to maturity?

My friend said to me the other day when I asked him this question... "well, James, take a look at those people in your life that you admire?" So I listed off a few and picked one in particular. "Ok", he said, "now, tell what makes them so mature to you." So I listed of several attributes for my reasoning. Then he said, "All these things have one thing in common... they are all found in the Bible. So in answer to your question, what makes one mature, the answer must be Bible Bible Bible!"

I thought that was a good step at least.

Do you ever have blind spots? I suppose that seems a redundant question really. The very definition of a blind spot is the fact that you can't see them anyway. But maybe you have had a blind spot torn down and then had a whole new perspective from the other side. I seem to have that all the time but what scares me the most is the fact that I have way more blind spots, and I have no idea what they are or where they are! It seems weird to say but what scares me the most is what I don't know about myself.

It may seem that this goes hand in hand with learning to live out the Bible, the Bible that points all the way to Jesus Christ. The more we learn about us (tearing down blind spots) the more we learn about God. The more we learn about God (again, tearing down blind spots) the more we learn about ourselves.

Being able to live out the Bible wholly must result in the destruction of blind spots. The destruction of ignorance!

Maturity = Bible living.

Bible living = less and less blind spots.

Less and less blind spots = less ignorance.

Less ignorance = maturity.

Mid-Sept.

2011-09-13T17:12:00.003+01:00

Classes so far have been intense. There has been a very different type of work this semester. Last year it seemed to be all about writing projects and then a final exam but now it's about small exams every week for each class and then periodic larger exams. I must prefer to write a paper than do an exam so my skills at memorisation and information retention have been severely tested with results that do not represent the amount of work devoted to each class topic.

We had our first time back with the Old Folks at Concord on Sunday. I have begun a series on Philippians with them, essentially an effort to prepare them to meet Jesus. I only wish I had more time to prepare a clearer interpretation of the letter. There were lots of new faces and with what seemed an increased eagerness to learn (I am learning that the lack of response during a sermon means very little to what is actually going on inside). God hasn't finished with them yet and I would love for them to understand that and live it out. Just because many of them are in their 90's does not mean they are useless and forgotten about even though the world may suggest this by putting them in a home in the suburbs to get old and die.

Married life (all 4 months of it) has been great. Quincie and I seem to learn more about each other every day. With this learning we are given choices and I hope and pray we make the right ones. Her cooking has been phenomenal so far, not the same can be said for mine. I think I must take after my Dad in that culinary area. I can remember Dad cooking once, and I think it was scrambled egg on toast and I would pleased to produce such a dish at this stage!

Quincie's parents, Paul and Loni are coming to visit soon. They will stay with us for week in October to celebrate Loni's milestone birthday and their wedding anniversary. We've been thinking of ideas of what to do for and with them when they come.

I miss a lot of my nearest and dearest friends at home. I have a few chaps in my life back in England who I consider Spiritual heavy-weights and respect hugely. I wish I could talk to them face to face and go over all the questions that I have and the doubts that often creep in with knocking. Not many people are willing to express their own doubts in this institution which makes it hard to be vulnerable and real with them. I am sure that if I started to think even more about things I would come across even deeper issues that need talking and thinking through with brothers and sisters... their just hard to find these days.

Our intent to come home to Suffolk is still as strong as it was a year ago. As we landed in England over this past summer I suddenly got that heavy heart again, and remembered why we decided to come back in the first place. My people are still living in a wasteland, unaware of the trouble that lay ahead. It's sad but let us be reminded that there is a hope.

2011-08-25T20:12:00.002+01:00

I now have my much loved routine in place and am reaping the benefits of such a thing. I adore the advantages of a well-ordered routine including self-discipline and a sense of real direction, without it I doubt that I would be writing this at all.

My wife (Quincie) and I are now in our new place. In May we were married in Washington State, spent a wonderful honeymoon in Hawai'i, returned to Washington to spend time with the in-laws, came back to England for a week to organise our trip to Kenya, then on Switzerland for a night as we transitioned continents yet again, from Kenya for a month we returned to England for 5 weeks of 'rest' and then finally a flight to where I am now, Chicago.

Our new flat came empty so within our first week we made sure that we had a bed, a bathroom fully kitted out and a kitchen for Quincie to produce her marvelous cuisine. The lounge area is looking a bit sparse at the moment with my desk in the corner, two boxes of books in another corner and a make-shift table made of cardboard and covered with an African patterned table cloth.

The year of study itself looks rather intense. With Philosophy comes endless unanswered questions along with my desire to make a decision between Presuppositionalism and Evidentialism and also between Post-Modernism and Post-Secualarism (if such a decision can ever be made). With Introduction to Bible class comes a well thought out plan of presenting a text of infinite depth to all manor of students by Dr Whecschler. With the Exploring Music comes an in-depth introduction to the very meaning of music throughout history along with the expectation of clarity in thinking about church music and what it actually should be. With my fitness class comes a greater understanding of how the body works, the benefits of exercise on ones well-being as well a lot of pain. With Speech and Communication class comes a greater look at theories of communication and really what may be the best way to present Biblical truth. And finally, Christianity and Western Culture II, looking at the history of the church from reformation to today.

The joys of a routine!

2011-08-13T10:14:00.001+01:00

2011-05-02T15:09:00.003+01:00

This is painful to watch...

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-13257628

As other person's eternal fate is secured to eternal torment many look on and rejoice. A punishment that could not be hoped for even the most depraved of people. Bin Laden now has absolutely no hope of coming back to hear the Truth and we must not rejoice.

2011-04-29T18:39:00.000+01:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gb7n9B_8m8

Priorities.

2011-04-16T21:32:00.002+01:00

I feel like I am never here any more. Maybe that is because I barely ever am. Life has been busy busy busy all over again.

Class to attend.

Homework (and lots of it) to do.

Wedding is only 4 and 1/2 weeks away.

Africa 6 weeks away.

Preaching every week.

Friends to see.

And the list goes on.

Now you know why I am not here.

The Contrast of our world...

2011-03-29T21:57:00.007+01:00

A Muslim under-graduate school in North Eastern Pakistan trains young men to proclaim their message. The students are absorbed by the teaching of the Koran, willing to give their lives. They ask no questions but simply learn. Various Muslim sects await the graduation of these unwaivering students. There are no mobile phones, no ipods, no foolish talk, no distractions. The constant awareness of the fight lingers in at the front of everyone's mind. Fingers are on the triggers, poised. Feet ready to move forward. Mouths are ready to speak. Lives ready to be given. Fashion has taken a back seat, there are more important things to be concerned about. Friendships become less important. 'Self' becomes a lot less important and families are forsaken. No less than total commitment is required. There is a sense of focus running through the veins of all the students.

Moody Bible Institute, a school in the Mid-West of the USA, trains young Christians to proclaim the truth. The students often forsake their Holy Book, The Bible, for a text book and not the inspired Word of God. Most lives are more important than the truth, proven by the hungry people on the street looking unto the world for help. From the outside looking in, importance seems to be on 'me', in stark contrast to the apparent calling. There are many distractions. Phones used in class, gadgets absorbing the funds for the kingdom and fleeting fashions stealing the hearts. Idolatry is rife. Students race to get out of class, pack up before the end of class and consider learning second to whatever is outside the classroom. Students take as many cuts as possible before getting a lesser grade. Students skip chapel. Students put themselves before the truth and even their own classmates. The students often forsake the love of Jesus for their own desires as the expectant city remains mostly unchanged. It would seem inside the school there is no war on the outside. Focus dwindles.

Which school will win?

Greatest.......

2011-03-02T22:13:00.002Z

At orientation here we had 4 days of rules read out to us, regarding how we should act and witness. In the book shop there are a thousand and one books on a thousand and one things to do as a Christian. In every class there are instructions on how to do just about everything as a Jesus lover. But doesn't all this come down to one thing. Don't most things in life that we are given the 'how-to' on have one answer? Is serving the Lord really this complicated?

Of course not.

So when I am full of questions today I try to answer myself with a very simple and great command...

Want advice on preaching? Ok then... Stop thinking about preaching. Love Jesus and live instead.

Want advice on marriage? Ok then... Stop thinking about marriage. Love Jesus and live.

Want advice on how to run a church? Ok then.... Stop thinking about how to run a church. Love Jesus and live.

Want advice on how to pray? Ok then... Stop thinking about praying. Love Jesus and live.

Want advice on how to build a school? Ok then... Stop thinking about building and school. Love Jesus and live.

It seems rather simple. Of course, the reaction is to say... 'Yes, but how?!' But here is my point...

To love the Lord is all we need do.

Matthew 22:36-40 (The Greatest Command).

Once we have this love firmly in place, above idols and providentially in control of everything then surely everything will come. Do you really want to know how to put a sermon together? Well, simply love the Lord with all your heart and let that love overflow in the pulpit. The same goes for... say marriage. Love the Lord with all your heart and do not concentrate on marriage, put even the thinking of it as priority but rather let the love of the Lord overflow into your marriage and watch it blossom (that is if you notice, as your affections lie solely on the Lord and distract from anything else).

There is the answer... plain as day in Matthew 22, from the mouth of Jesus. Easier said than done like a lot of stuff in The Book. But with an answer the chase for the righteous life can have a direction at least.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart..."

Ready for the roof!

2011-02-23T15:25:00.002Z

The Queen of Kenya, Evelyn outside the school.

Wycliffe:

Evelyn and her two generous sisters:

2011-02-21T15:07:00.000Z

Will you plead?

2011-02-18T15:23:00.003Z

Introducing the flock at Concord Place Retirement home. This is who Quincie and I spend our time with every Sunday morning...

At 9:30 we leave Moody and start our time with them at 10:30. The usual structure involved a welcome from me, Music from Aubrey (front row) and then preaching from either me of Andy (also front row). Followed by music and prayer. Quincie has joined us since January and has already had a huge influence of the people there (through listening, baking cookies and organsing music CD's for them).

I think back in September we started with 7 or 8 attendees and last week had 25 including us. This is not to boast about numbers, for there are 400 people living in the building but really to say that there is a hope and a heart within those walls.

It's funny what having the privilege to serve there has done to me and for me. The root of it is not about me/us or even the people (it's Jesus) but it is not void of the experiences and learning that will continue for a lifetime. I suppose in general it has been a brief introduction into preaching to a broken flock, leading a small flock, correcting some goats (painfully so) and, very enlighteningly, an introduction to church politics. And I wish with all my heart church politics was something that didn't have to be learnt but sadly it does and even more sadly I will be faced with it sooner rather than later.

Some of the people are close to meeting eternity. One man in particular is on constant oxygen and only this last week looked worse than ever before. Many others are facing serious illness and deterioration of the body. Which leads me to think some more. It leads me to think about the weight of possibly preaching to them their last ever sermon, or their last ever contact with the Word of God, the true bread, the water of life. The fact that these people are literally facing death, departing from this world, right in front of me has shaped a lot of what I say.

Is there any room for jokes?

For pointless stories?

For half-hearted pleading for their souls?

Is there any use in delivering a shallow message?

Is there a need to not preach the gospel every week?

Every Sunday morning from the pulpit I have been looking down the barrel of eternity. I stand before them and with a 'blood-earnestness' need to plead for their souls.

I ask myself, 'James, what do you really believe?' Is heaven really that sweet, hell that horrific and life stuck between those realities?

Preaching in the light of eminent death leads to a different kind of preaching. It's interesting to think that it took this to make me realise the weight of preaching because it leads to my next point...

Aren't we all dying? Aren't we all only a few inches away from death and eternity? Is ALL life fragile? Aren't we all falling to pieces and being kept alive a unseen oxygen which could so easily be taken away?

So, how then does the rest of my preaching look outside of Concord? Well, it should look exactly the same to all of the dying people around. Living AND preaching in the knowledge and the light that we are existing and pleading under the weighty realisation of the sweetness of heaven and the torment of hell. We live in between these things surrounded with opportunities.

Will you plead for souls or not?

Banter Machines...

2011-02-17T02:04:00.003Z

Josh Bolt - This machine really gave the word 'banter' and greater meaning. His use of the word and semantic emphasis has led to some supernatural uses. What ever will he come out with next they ask?

Josh Stannard - Now one of the leading users. This machine has rapidly gained good ground in his understanding and general usage. His potential was seen from afar and he has lived up to our high hopes.

Ben Ryan - One would probably refer to this user as a 'dark horse'. Predominately straight faced his banter is the most sneaky around and at times the most vulgar. The banter from this machine is much appreciated by all classes.

Calum MacIntyre - With an unpredictable banterious nature this machine is subject to moments of genius. Keep your eyes open with this one, you never know what is going to happen.

My home from home.

2011-02-15T21:30:00.002Z

Rather doing something expensive for Valentine's Day (due to our handsome student budget), Quinc and I decided to take a long walk along the lake. We must have walked for about 3 hours and eventually made it out to the Planetarium Pier. As you can see, it was very much worth it.

Ignorance - Part Deux

2011-02-15T21:08:00.003Z

And so I am back on to thinking about Ignorance.

I do not mean to sound negative, but rather absorbing a blatant observation and processing it through thoughts and coming to a understandable conclusion, mainly for myself and my own mind-renewing.

Our New Testament Survey professor has had to take some time off after an arm operation and to fill his place left in the classroom we have a doctorate student from Wheaton. I really appreciate our normal professor for the class, especially his years of experience and depth of teaching but not so much, like most teachers here at Moody, the fight against ignorance.

Having to study under a teacher from an institute that deals with real-life issues head on in the average day I have started to notice how different his style of teaching is. Rather than simply delivering to us the apparently blatant truths, he rather poses questions for us to answer or presents us with an opposing view. The academic nature of his teaching has done wonders for my dangerous levels of ignorance.

Moody is obviously a Christian Institution. I appreciate the faith needed to exist in this modern world, for I too have to deal with it, but not so much the exploration for the defense of these views. For if we believe it to be the truth anyway and have an immovable faith in that then no matter how much we question the truth against other apparent truths the one we firmly believe in will come out on top anyway. So, let us with faith question away and find the answers that will inevitably win out anyway. May I emphasise the need for a strong faith to begin questioning with in the first place.

The world today needs some thought out, sincere and authentic answers. They do not need to be met with well meaning, brainwashed, blind students who have not even thought through what they believe and are reciting what they heard in New Testament classes and the like. Rather, the world is looking for those who stand firm on LEARNT truths that are applicable to life and everything it has to throw at the average Joe. This is why I appreciate the academic Institutions who fight against such brainwashing and ignorance to meet the world where they are and be able to deliver an absolute truth with a very sure footing. For them, the questions have rained down over and over again and have been met with a truth that has stood through it all... 2,000 years and beyond in fact.

If the Bible is the truth, as I believe and hope you do to, then surely it will come out on top no matter how many soul-searching questions you can throw at it. Surely, God's sovereign truth will meet you and answer the deepest of hurts and pains.

Ignorance is growing. Ignorance is rife. Ignorance benefits nothing... apart from one's bliss.

Let us pursue God with our minds whole heartedly leaving no stone unturned and no awkward question unanswered. Let us fight being brainwashed into a surface truth but rather go deeper for the sake of a world that is craving answers. Let us open our eyes and swim up stream all the more harder. After all, life is but a vapour and every breath counts more than you can imagine.

Ignorance will never be completely gone, but drop your pride with me for a moment at least. Think for a moment and recognise it. Are you doing it? Seriously. Stop and think. Are you ignorant? Yes or no?

If wish to have double-ignorance (that which you have been raised with and then also rejecting what you read) then carry on and disregard what you have just read. However, if you wish to run from ignorance then the fight must start, a hard fight at that.

It is long time due for our fight to commence. It will never finish frustratingly so, but at least the recognition of the fight is here and there is the key. Recognise and then fight.

Christian... Mighty Christian Soldier... Make it happen in His strength!

2011-02-12T04:09:00.001Z

A life of reaction is a life of slavery, intellectually and spiritually. One must fight for a life of action, not reaction.

- Rita Mae Brown

The Greatest of Things...

2011-02-08T19:32:00.000Z

http://westspecialschool.blogspot.com/

2011-01-21T21:11:00.001Z

...The fire won't come down if there is nothing on the alter...

My Room.

2011-01-20T22:58:00.003Z

Welcome to my humble abode. Before I begin may you be sure to notice the tip of a triumphant English flag hanging from my light fitting. Triumphant because it is there for all to see, reminding all the natives that this land did once belong to England and if it wasn't for our generosity in allowing independence... Maybe I'll stop there.

My sleep is conducted up there. I am now used to a hardened mattress and do not at all take for-granted a cushioned surface to lay my over-loaded brain.

My desk is now well used and a place where I spend a lot of time. Mostly a space for taking in information but rarely the place it is processed and truly learned.

My guitar sits expectantly next to my desk. Affectionately named Renee, she sits waiting to be played, but as time is short she is only ever given a time to sing once in a while. I value this time hugely and use it to 'switch-off' for a moment or two.

The view has become familiar. 16 floors and a good few feet gives a great view for the city and the surrounding suburbs. The fields of Suffolk seem a very long way from here.

My room mate, Sterling. Not featured in this picture but is a rather large part of this space. He is thoughtful and grounded. He has a reality about him that one doesn't often see at a Bible Institute. He likes staying up late, talking, music and singing; and he sings very well indeed may I add.

I hope you enjoyed the tour. Come again soon.

January is cold in chicago.

2011-01-18T22:47:00.003Z

I have reminaed fairly quiet so far as to what I am actually learning so I thought I would let you know what's going on. The photo above shows the books I am reading for this semester (Jan-May). The classes I am taking include Christian Missions (with a very passionate Pakistini teacher who loves to take the lesson time to preach), New Testament Survey (this means reading the New Testament twice), Christianity and Western Culture (mostly about the church fathers), Research writing (I will be completely an extensive research paper on a topic that I am passionate about) and Spiritual Life and Community (which is a random subject involving all kinds of contemporary topics in the church).

I have one less class than last semester but just as much reading which is very good.

Things have been hard lately. I often wonder at the dangers of being open with the happenings of my life (this automatically includes my spiritual life - they are the same thing). I wonder if it might damage the faith or discourage others who look to me for an example. Maybe this is a very proud thought... after all, who am I that others would look to me? But I'll be honest, it goes through my head and I pressurise myself with it.

But this being said, the benefit of being open far outweighs that of keeping quiet. Maybe you can identify with me, take encouragement from it or even be gracious enough to pray for me.

When I say things have been hard it's not because of God doing something but rather me not doing something. I have neglected to pursue the Greatest. My heart has slowly faded and it's position has got to a worse and darker state. Or in fact it has been this way all along and I have only now noticed it. Maybe I have had a heart problem that has been going on all the time and certain outside influences have opened me up to reveal what was there all along. I can hear people asking the question, "well, what have you been up to? What opened you up?", but this is not the issue. The issue is my heart. We can be very quick to want to know the symptoms of the problem and the effects of it before we identify with what's going on inside. The root is the heart and this must be known and then dealt with. "The heart is the wellspring of life" and "The heart is deceitful". It's a painful thing to be faced with.

I suppose the questions I am faced with go a lot deeper than I realise. Will it ever be possible for my heart to turn towards the Lord? Is there any hope for me? Is there enough mercy for my near infinite sinful heart problems? Or should I say problem? Will my blackened heart ever produce something that isn't black and dirty through and through?

The hope remains the same... Jesus. In and through Him I have my hope. However hard it seems to stand in that and really know it, I must continue to try and to fight. Where there is a little bit of fight in me there is still hope and there is still the sniff of the spirit's guidance. The fight is the proof. The fight is the hope in the light. The fight is the whisper of God speaking through the darkness and gracefully doing something golden through a heart of stone. Hope is worth clinging to. Like Romans 5 says hope is a good thing, a great thing.

A cold Tuesday in January... thank God for Tuesdays. Thank God for hope. Thank God for my room and bed. Thank God that a black heart has His strength for more to go for than just sin. Thank God for this coming Friday of the coldest temperatures I have ever known.

I am called to obedience, not success, however hard it may be.

2011-01-07T22:04:00.002Z

I return to Chicago in 2 days. I have had a nice 3 week break from any essays or exams and it's been nice. Since being here in Washington I have been up White Pass and to the Cascades, eaten some tough yet delicious Jerky, see all over the state, been to Vancouver, had Christmas, had a reunion and so much more. I am undeservedly blessed and I sit in my chair at Quincie's table with a very wide smile. I feel more relaxed and content right now than I have in years. I have done everything that needs to be done today and am soaking up the silence like a thirsty sponge. It's raining constantly and reminds me of home. It gives that warm feeling on the insides that come from sitting by a fire on a miserable day.

The photo above is the last glimpse of sun in 2010 in Vancouver.

Happy New Year to y'all.

One Down.

2010-12-14T04:09:00.002Z

It is one semester down. I have 3 days left of my first stint in the busy land of Chicago. 3 exams, a whole lot revision, a little bit of packing and 3 weeks in Washington to look forward to.

I feel as though the last few months have stretched me in ways I never knew I could be stretched. There have been joys, the ups and the downs. There have been personal revelations of all kinds of insecurities and delightful hidden truths and the best thing about it all... the attempt at scrambling away from ignorance has revealed a clearer Creator. I found the insignificance of grades, this is by no means to cover any bad performance up, but rather a much higher emphasis on real learning. For grades do actually mean very little and cannot be taken any further than this life, whereas solid, sound, life-changing learning gives an opportunity for a righteous reward at the end of it all this chaos we call life.

Grades have become somewhat of a side issue now. I suppose my revision times have taught me to take joys and to be thankful in the effective learning rather than the letters. Does God desire a fanciful letter that can add to one's pride or in contrast add to the destruction of self-esteem? Or would He rather learning that took you closer the understanding of Him? The answer seems pretty obvious yet followed by the few. All learning starts with a healthy fear and that should do the trick for us (Prov 1:7) but it doesn't always. Let's avoid that trap like the plague.

I am so looking forward to the break. A chance to digest some very tender and well-cooked meat that we call truths. I am looking forward to celebrations and mountains. From splendour to splendour. I look forward to looking out over the Cascade mountains on Friday and taking a breath, so deep it hurts my chest. I look forward to getting to know Quincie more, as it will be well worth my time doing so. I look forward to a slower pace and a great depth on what really matters.

Are you ready Washington?

2010-12-02T03:45:00.000Z

The Engagement.

2010-12-01T03:46:00.003Z

Well, it's official now. I am engaged to be married. Who would have thought?!

I don't want anyone to think that what I am about to write means I have got it sorted because I don't. I have so very much to learn and I have a long long long way to go. Quincie is going to have to be patient with me for this to work. I have countless insecurities that will come to light, I have hourly failures that at times seem hopeless and I am stained with imperfections that will last a life time.

Late September 2009 I met this girl named Quincie at Capernwray. We had all been put into small groups called 'Family Groups' and would go off at certain times in the year with a couple of the staff members at capers. The first time my family group met was in the first week.

I guess we were all pretty nervous still, it was only the first week and there were still so many more people meet. My group seemed nice; one person in particular. I think it seemed pretty clear to me that I didn't stand much of a chance and she really wasn't looking for anyone so what was the chance in trying to pursue such a lady as Quincie. The evening went well and I can even remember our first conversation (which was about India, persecution and suffering). She was fascinating from the start which made it all the more harder to push the thought of being her's to the back of my mind. After all, this was only the first week.

The year progressed on. Quincie and I spoke sporadically but remained friends thought the family group times. There was one point in the year where we practised our memory verses together. I found it really hard to even look at her knowing that she wouldn't be mine. Avoiding eye contact and any deep conversation, I left as soon as I could.

Over the Easter break I found myself talking about her to a few of my friends at work. Probably boring them to death I realised that I had to make a decision because I could not ever want to live the life of a 'what if' kind of person. Two weeks into spring school it was time to say something but before I did I had to find one more thing out. Vision. What was her vision? Where was she going in life?

So, I bluntly asked her, 'what is your vision?' and the response was only confirmation.

She said "I guess the root of it is that I just want to love people because of Jesus. I don't care where I live or what I do as long as I can love people".

I had never heard anything like it before.

I told her that I liked her. Within two weeks she was staying for the summer.

The summer was great and again more confirmation that this was all going in one very positive direction. My family loved her. I couldn't really understand why she had chosen to spend the summer with me at home in sleepy Suffolk, but she had, so there was no complaining there. We had the best time; laughed a lot, had parties, swam in the sea and met new people.

After parting at the end of the summer, one in Washington and one in Chicago this was never going to be easy but we were always both going to put the necessary fight in. We have fought very hard through some hard days and now we are on the home straight looking forward to some great days.

I planned a surprise trip at thanksgiving to go see Quinc. Mum and Dad helped me out massively with the plane ticket and I was there, face to face with Quincie again. I had a mission for the trip... a ring in my pocket and a question to ask. After an extremely nervous drive with Paul (Quincie's dad) I ask him permission and was given a resounding 'yes' and a huge smile. We ate breakfast all together and Quinc and I went for a drive to go on one of our adventures to somewhere unknown.

We walked through Sasquatch land and down into a valley. There was a river flowing at the bottom, taking away all the melted snow. We walked out into the middle of the river on some stones and looked around at the beautiful trees and river. As Quinc looked across the river I got onto one knee. She turned around as I asked the Question.

"Nah uh!.... YES!"

She said.

It was time to relax. I had the answer. Unbelievably so. I wonder if she knows what she's getting into? Because this could really be a crazy life.

We went back to the house with the good news for the family and have had the pleasure of telling all the important people the good news since. Fantastico.

Some people have asked me the apparently silly question, 'Do you love her?' Which maybe is not so silly after all.

I respond with 'Can you please tell me what love is before I answer that?' Because if love is that giddy feeling you get, you feel like a little school boy, your words turn to stutters and you get butterflies, then yes, I do love her. And if love is a readiness for commitment, an attempt with all my heart at selflessness, giving up myself as much as I can and trying my best to go second, then yes, it is true I love her. Bear in mind that it is no more than I willingness time will tell whether I can actually do this do this. I have not be able to do this so far, I have failed hugely.

Quincie is a gift. To whom much is given much is expected. If I am to be given a gift like she is then much must be expected from me. This gift is to be used in such a way that it is plain to the world that Christ is treasure. Now, I don't do this at the moment but I will fight to do so. I don't get very far but it's not for the lack of trying.

"To love as Christ loves the church".

No expectations.

To be selfless.

To equip and support.

To go second.

To lay myself down.

Give everything I have.

Through everything.

Let go of me.

Lose the interest of myself.

No pressures.

Keeping perspective.

There is marriage. That must be it. Like some kind of far off hidden treasure that will need digging after and sweating to get it through laughs and tears, but it is there nonetheless.

Can I do it?

I probably won't get there, I haven't so far, but I will sure as heck try to.

I wonder anyone may think that I have got it all sorted. I wonder if you sit there and think 'we'll he's got this one down'. I would like to tell you if you do think that you are wrong. The first thing that has brought imperfection is me and I will always be a part of my marriage with Quinc. The ideal is there but it is a very long way from where I am now. In truth, I have only one hope and it has taken me this long to realise it. My hope is a dependence on someone greater than me or Quinc. You wouldn't believe how I can make a mess of the most simple things that should never really even happen; but thank the Lord for grace, it tastes sweeter and sweeter every day.

I think marriage is going to make grace taste sweeter in every way imaginable.

Moody Martyrs.

2010-11-16T18:26:00.002Z

Moody Bible Institute defines martyrs as, "Those who were killed because they refused to renounce their faith or because of active opposition to their witness for Christ." Throughout its history, Moody Bible Institute has lost twenty-one former students to martyrdom.Those notable among them include John and Betty Stam murdered in 1934.

In 1934, John and Betty Stam were new missionaries to China, with a 3-month-old daughter, working in the small eastern town of Tsingteh, which is today called Jingdezhen. The town's magistrate came to the Stams and warned them that the Communists were coming for them. After John confirmed this, the Stams prepared to leave. However, the Communists caught up to the Stams and when the soldiers did, they demanded all the money the Stams had; and it was handed over. The Communists then arrested John and took him to their headquarters. They left Betty, their baby, Helen, the maid and the cook in the Stams' house. The soldiers later came back an took Betty and Helen. The maid and cook begged to go along, but they were threatened to be shot if they did. Betty and Helen were taken to be with John.

That night, John Stam wrote a letter to CIM authorities, but it was never delivered. The letter was found later bundled up in some of Helen's clothes. It stated that the Stams were being held by the Communists for a ransom of $20,000. John Stam also wrote to the mission authorities of how he and his wife had been captured, then wrote, "Philippians 1:20: 'May Christ be glorified whether by life or death.'"

John, Betty and Helen were then taken to the local prison where some of the prisoners were released to make room for the Stams. In the midst of hustle and bustle, Helen started crying, and a soldier suggested that they kill her, since she was only "in their way". Then one of the prisoners who had just been released asked why they should kill the innocent baby. The soldiers turned to him and asked if he was willing to die for the foreign baby. The man was hacked to pieces for Helen in front of the Stams' eyes. Thus, Helen was allowed to live.

The next morning, the Stams were forced to march 12 miles with the soldiers, to the town of Miaosheo. The group stopped for a night, and Betty was allowed to tend to Helen; but in fact, Betty instead hid her daughter in the room inside a sleeping bag. The very next morning, John and Betty were being marched down the streets of Miaosheo to meet their deaths. Curious onlookers lined both sides of the streets. A Chinese shopkeeper stepped out of the crowd and talked to the Communists, trying to persuade them not to kill the Stams. The soldiers ordered the man back into the crowd, but he wouldn't step back. The soldiers then invaded his house where they found a Chinese copy of theHoly Bible and a hymnbook. He was then led alongside the Stams to be killed as well, for being a Christian. After marching for a short while longer, John was ordered to kneel, and he was beheaded. Betty and the shopkeeper were killed moments later.

The baby, Helen, was found two days later by a Chinese pastor who took her home and took care of her. Reverend Lo Ke-chou and his wife then took the baby girl to her maternal grandparents, Reverend Charles Ernest Scott and his wife, Clara, who were also missionaries in China. The Stams' daughter later came to the United States and was raised by her aunt and uncle, George and Helen Mahy. As for Helen's parents, a small group of Christians found their bodies and buried them on a hillside. The Stams' gravestones read:

John Cornelius Stam, January 18, 1907, "That Christ may be glorified whether by life or by death." Philippians 1:20

Elisabeth Scott Stam, February 22, 1906, "For me to live is Christ and to die is gain." Philippians 1:21

December 8, 1934, Miaosheo, Anhui, "Be thou faithful unto death and I will give thee a crown of life." Revelation 2:10

This is a slightly edited version from information gathered from stories collected on Wikipedia. Not the most reliable source but in this case it is true to life.

2010-11-07T21:51:00.000Z

2010-11-07T20:25:00.000Z

"If thou sin, the word of God is thy adversary. It is the adversary of thy will till it become the author of thy salvation."

Augustine.

Relevant Magazine

2010-11-05T13:06:00.001Z

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/

November

2010-11-05T01:13:00.003Z

Other day goes and other is only hours away. Each day seems to slip away in the space of time it takes me to blink and work out where I am. Then before I know it, it's the next day.

The times with King Jesus had been unusually sweet these past few days. The strength to carry on really isn't there any more and contrary to everything within me, I read that this is how it is supposed to be. From too much to too much to too much it was time to stop. I took a bit of far more than I could chew and my heart caved in. To save the confusion in my writing here, let me make this simple and plain. I reached a limit this week. One might call it a small burn out as I was simply doing too much beyond my point of coping. My doing exceeded my being and nothing could be done to stop the collapse. Not even encouragement.

I feel for the pastors and missionaries who burn out. I think I am starting to understand. The church looks upon such a situation with a frown and a shaking head, I too have been guilty of this. It should not be like that. Taking Jackie Pullinger's comments of "You're running on the wrong fuel" into consideration one can see the cause of burn out but not the solution. The solution seems to be a really difficult one. With so many servants burnt out or on the edge there really does need to be a remedy. But what is it?

First to prevent the cause I was lovingly reminded of Micah 6:8, and what a beautiful reminder that is. This is true. But does it stop someone saying yes to every opportunity to learn and serve? Maybe it should. Maybe it will. Maybe it does.

To please the Lord and not people is the prevention.

What then, are the few Christians who agonise over the church and the lost? There surely is brokenness encouraged here. Are we to live in brokenness? You can see that I have far more questions than answers. I even ask, where do you find such answers in the word? A search? A revelation? Some direction?

I have a busy yet exciting weekend ahead. My friend has bought me a ticket to see some music and arranged a bike me for me to travel go with him. I am sure cycling through Chicago traffic will quite an experience for me, I can't imagine the fun it is going to be. On Saturday there is a tournament being hosted by one of the student societies here and then on Sunday my favourite rap artist, LeCrae is going to be at Moody. I wonder if the gift giver will be glorified in this 'performance'. I'll let you know on that one. If LeCrae doesn't do it then there is little hope for the Christian music industry.

It's been nice to have you here. Thanks for reading this. I apologise for my confusion and questions but maybe, just maybe, you understand.

Peace.

2010-10-31T18:43:00.001Z

It goes without saying...

2010-10-30T19:32:00.002+01:00

Shhhhh...

2010-10-29T04:47:00.003+01:00

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

Listening.

It has come to my understanding that love's first duty is to listen. It stems from giving and giving from selflessness and selflessness from sacrifice and sacrifice from our choice. People discuss without listening. I, a guilty one. Argument arises through no listening, for it is the lack of at least half an ear. Everything has been argued about and every stone turned over and yet the listening doesn't flow, especially here. Since everything has been said at one point in history should we not stop to listen rather than going back again and again.

There are people who don't listen because they think they are right. There are people who think they listen and secretly wish those who didn't listen would be quiet and conform, the desire is not so selfless as they think it is. However, there are those rare people who do listen. I love that trait and I want to get it.

Everyone thinks about things differently. Some are stubborn. Some are weak. Some don't really care. Since we all absorb, communicate or interpret things differently, so how can two people understand exactly the same thing? We are fallen and extremely subjective. The God I am looking at may look a little different to yours, but He is the same God. So, why should we agree about who is right or not? Our lenses are different colours but we are looking the same thing.

You might say, 'Look it's red. It's plain to me. It is definitely red!"

and I respond with, "It's green! I can see it's green."

The way we view things is different. How can we argue like that? Reaching an answer for truth is good but because of our fallen natures we will always see it differently to the next man.

What if, in every communicative situation both parties were to listen. What kind of a world would it be? What kind of a world would it be I could go back do it all over again? What would my home look like? My friends? My church?

What does all this say about our relationships with God? What if we were to stop asking for things that we really think we need but don't and just listened to Him?

"Know this dear brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." James 1:19.

"So tell me please (because I trying with all my might to love God, to die to self and care for you), actually... how are you?"

Please me people...

2010-10-21T19:05:00.003+01:00

I am a people pleaser.

I confess my people pleasing nature. It brings stress, anxiety and no happiness. Oswald suggests that such impulsive behaviour in buried underground with discipline. It is simply not a trait of Jesus. This is not to say that a broken and desperate heart for the lost is in fact lost, bur rather to eliminate the people pleasing aspect.

The cause: Fear of rejection. That is fear and fear is self. The cause is self, like everything else that is horrific and detestable.

Again, the point of self is raised. It simply must die if I am to stand a chance and survival.

I have been running around to please and meet peoples' expectations of me. From one place to another with all kinds of different things to do looking for no upset and displeasure. But really James, what does it matter? How is it possible to keep everyone happy and still live a fulfilled life?

Self must die.

People pleasing brings no fruit. It brings no rest. It is important that the lesson can start now. If it doesn't I will crumble and be at one with the world all over again. We must live to please our audience of One. There simply is no other way.

'You can always spot the people that live for others by the haunted looks on the faces of the others.'

2010-10-16T18:23:00.000+01:00

Every act of conscious learning requires the willingness to suffer an injury to one's self-esteem. That is why young children, before they are aware of their own self-importance, learn so easily. ~Thomas Szasz

2010-10-16T18:22:00.001+01:00

It is not hard to learn more. What is hard is to unlearn when you discover yourself wrong. ~Martin H. Fischer

Fire.

2010-10-14T19:43:00.001+01:00

From the rising of the sun to the going down of the same...

...the skies are aflame with the glory of God's name.

A Project...

2010-10-09T15:27:00.003+01:00

This is one of my College Writing projects. We have to write a narrative, no fiction or about other people. I enjoy this class a lot. College Writing is a class that aims help with ones all-round writing skills ready for the years ahead at University and life.

Narrative.

No one could have ever prepared me for the day that shook me from head to toe. The alarm clock sang out the daily unchanging ring as I rolled over in bed, greeted by rays of glorious Brazilian sunshine bursting through the windows that overlooked the infamous Olaria Slum in Sao Paulo. It was a different day, a day to give soccer coaching a rest and instead devote a day to getting a taste of the slum-life in Brazil. Little did I know that all my preconceptions were going to take a beating as I truly got a taste for both real poverty and real community all at the same time. I will never forget that day.

“Vamos comer!” was the shriek that echoed up the stairs and into my room. Evidently it was time eat breakfast and get going with the day according to my stern, over-weight hostess. Her abrupt nature was never a problem for me as I always appreciated her sterling effort in the kitchen to provide for every mouth that she possibly could. With a hearty toasted cheese sandwich to fill me I walked out the beaten old door, almost coming off the hinges, and by 9:00am, stepped onto the familiar bustling street filled with people selling every kind of fruit. Their salesman techniques were very different to that back home, rather than subversively luring a customer in they simply shouted about there product at the top of their lungs. It always made me smile as their enthusiasm never failed.

My accommodation was set back in the maze of a lower class housing complex, with white walls and windows and the usual corrugated iron roof. The view from the front of the house was always spectacular to me; I loved looking across the city. From such a high point I could see the slum looking down the hill and the high rise apartment blocks set about on the ridge of the hills around the slum. The houses in the slum were very simply made, either wood or corrugated tin for the walls and roof and there were patched up layers of thick blue plastic sheets obviously donated by an under-funded government. The bright morning sun already was reflecting blindingly off of the ramshackle tin roofs giving the slum houses a little more needed sparkle and energy. In every direction, as far as I could see there were buildings and not a spec of countryside to be seen. The smell of fruit and fumes made for an interesting mix along with the distance sounds of the traditional Brazilian music. The hum of activity was something I loved and always took the time to listen to every little sound I could even if it was miles away. The biggest city in South America had taught me a lot so far but the biggest lesson was yet to be learnt.

I had observed so far that there was a massive division of wealth in Brazil, especially in the city. Just by looking at the city landscape it was obvious to me there was definitely a place for the rich to live with their fancy cars and acres of space and a place for the poor to live with their cramped rickety little houses and no running water. It seemed as though in the same amount of space a rich family lived there were more than 3,000 people living in the slums only a few feet from the garden fence. The diversity always intrigued and me with a short winding walk from the house down the street I was at the entrance to the Olaria slum.

I stood at the entrance overlooking the mass of houses stacked on top of one another. I could see children playing in the mazes of alley ways and giggling as they went. I could see collapsed houses and sheets of plastic covering the forlorn families in despair further down into the slum. I could see masses of electric wires and open flowing channels carrying the people’s waste to another part of the slum. At this point I prayed what I thought was the right prayer, and I asked God to use me however He could to help these people with one of the few days I had here. I had thought that the people in the slum needed the most help in the city, after all the way the slum looked told me they had very little. It’s funny when I look back on that prayer because I can see now that God had other things in mind.

With my boldest foot forward a made my way down the main entrance to the slum and was shortly met by a jolly old man sitting on the side of the street holding out a cup for me to put some change into it. I had not bought any money with me as I had heard it was too dangerous and tried to tell the man in broken Portuguese that I had none. He smiled from ear to ear and simply said ‘God Bless’ in the most contented of tones. It surprised me as I expected to find a much more fragile atmosphere, but I didn’t and I felt strangely comfortable with the notorious slum I had heard so many dark things about. I wondered what it must be like to live like this man. He seemed to have been there for some time judging by all the rubbish he had accumulated behind him, but one thing did stick out and that was he didn’t look unhappy or lost for hope.

My long and winding walk continued on until and I found myself on the main street. The sun’s heat was really starting to take a hold of the day, something we are really not used to in England, especially just after 9:00 in the morning. As I walked through the shadows on the streets cast by the houses stacked on top of one another I started to realise that although this place looked extremely bad it really wasn’t so bad after all. I spent the rest morning wandering the streets, trying soak up the atmosphere as much as I could, as I really wanted to understand what slums were like. As I did my mind was cast back to one of my geography lessons at the age of eleven, a lesson where we looked at the slums in South America. It was a place I never thought for a second I would end up seeing, let alone walking through, but here I was right in the middle of it all with absolutely no plan. The morning seemed to rush past. The sweet time had gone fast and a place to have lunch was the next thing on the agenda, but the question was, where? I could see that the people in that area were not starving but still, they didn’t seem to have loads to spare. If you had told me that I would be eating a feast of a meal in that slum on that day I would have laughed at you. Oh how I was surprised.

Half way up one side of the slum two little girls ran up to me with the typical cheeky grins that only little girls have when they are playing. With a flurry of Portuguese words and a poor translation on my part I understood that their mother had invited me to eat in their house. I looked up the street and saw a family grouped together with a frenzy of waving hands beckoning me into their humble abode.

I went into their small two roomed house, the accommodation of fifteen people. It had flaky old pink paint on the walls and was immaculately kept by all the girls in the family. The pride and joy of the whole household was kept close to the doorway, set on a shelf with everything positioned toward it as though it was made of gold; The television. This was the glorious black box that delivered everyone’s favourite pastime in a flickering black and white picture, soccer. After all this was South America and none of them could ever call themselves Brazilian and not be fixated by the television when soccer was being shown.

I was sat down on the couch as the whole family gathered round me, apart from the mother as she was cooking something magnificent in the kitchen; however she listened in while she cooked. With big welcoming smiles and eager ears and eyes they gently asked me questions about my home country. With much deliberation and effort I attempted to respond to each question so they could understand my wearisome Portuguese vocabulary. The questions kept coming with no lack of enthusiasm until it was lunch time.

The lunch could only be described as a glorious mountain of food. The procession of never ending dishes was brought from the kitchen and met with grins all around the room, including mine. Before we all tucked in the gorgeous smelling rice, beans, other exciting and colourful dishes thanks was given to the provider of all this, our God. The hostess took a moment to kneel down and with her arms in the air she spoke praises to the God who had given this food. It was a beautiful thing to behold and their thankfulness was written all over their faces as the feast was quickly polished off. I had expected to find little food and joy in such a place but I found myself very wrong. Of course, the appearance of the place was not to desire after but the happiness was far more attractive than anything of material value. We chatted until the mid-afternoon, the sun was baking the ground slowly and it was time for their afternoon naps. The yawns and sleepy eyes were my cue to go and get on with my explorations. After a hearty goodbye with hugs and kisses they waved me off on my way in the same frenzied way I had been greeted. I could never have asked for a better meal than that, I was full with food and more importantly I had been loved unconditionally as foreigner in their beautiful country and community.

In the afternoon I continued to walk up and down the streets talking to various people and every time I did I became more and more aware of something. Then hit me. It was like a divine size nine in the backside. I stopped for a moment a looked around. I didn’t see the notorious drug dealers, the unhappy people, the hungry people or the forewarned broken people. When I looked at these people I did see a physical poverty but no more than that. Of course, these people in Olaria slum were without money and were weak but there was something far more striking that, I believe, has changed my life forever. These people were not poor, they were rich. They were far richer than I could ever hope to be.

There was something in the lives of the people that knew satisfaction beyond anything that money would ever bring and they knew it all too well. There was a joy in their lives that surpassed anything I had ever known before, and was met not by want but by need. There, I now know, is the difference. They had what they needed and not what wanted and it was unlike the western culture I had known. I realised that were some people in the slum toward the centre that didn’t have their needs met and this, we can all see, does not bring contentment. However, those with no more than their needs met were the happiest people I have ever known in my life.

All the men walked down the streets with some kind of a liberated swagger, knowing that with hard work there families would be provided for and there was no good stressing about it. The women used whatever they could to make a hearty meal for their families and the children played with simple home-made kites all afternoon once school was out. It was the most fascinating community I had ever laid my eyes upon.

They had time and freedom enough to truly live in what God had for them. The race to become more seemed not to be an issue in this community. If someone needs something then everyone gets together and helps out without the demand of repayment, that’s just how it works there.

This really was the day that I learnt one of the biggest lessons I could ever learn. It was the day that my preconceptions of the Olaria Slum were blasted to pieces along with my internal desire to seek materialism. I had had a glimpse of what life to full really looks like and since I have always wanted a part of it. I often ask myself whether it is possible to live in such way in England or even in America, and I suppose the test of time will prove to be an answer for me.

As I walked back up to my lodgings with an unusually clear mind I reflected on the day. The sun’s fierce heat had had its way and was now retiring for the day behind me, it all seemed so clear. For the first in my life I had seen true wealth and a richness that money can never buy. The revelation and surprise left me humbled and ready for the coming challenges back at home. I had gone into the slum to help them out but instead I came out being the changed one. The people that day have no idea what they did to me and I am forever thankful to them.

I thought to myself as I lay in bed that night surrounded by mosquitoes relishing the humid atmosphere. I thought about how every desire in my life had been turned on its head in the space of one day. The need to fight for empty things had gone and my deep down desire to find material happiness was being challenged and slowly shattered. For the first time I could see what Jesus meant when he said “Don’t store your treasures up on earth.”

After all we all know that money can never buy happiness, right?

2010-10-08T14:09:00.000+01:00

2010-09-29T15:33:00.002+01:00

Here's some advice I'll give to you.

Don't feed steak to those who can only digest a milkshake.

I made that mistake on Sunday.

Even those who would seem to be far beyond the simplest of truths sometimes miss the whole point.

What a tremendous lesson to learn.

2010-09-29T15:23:00.001+01:00

2010-09-25T06:45:00.001+01:00

Imagination is more important than knowledge. For knowledge is limited to all we now know and understand, while imagination embraces the entire world, and all there ever will be to know and understand.

- Albert Einstein

Ignorance.

2010-09-19T19:44:00.005+01:00

"Restore to me the joy of my Salvation"Psalm 51.

Words with immeasurable depth and truth.

If we really KNEW our salvation we would have joy. If we don't know our salvation then there can't be true joy. Simple. 'Know' is a big word.

Ignorance truly is bliss. Bliss is good but ignorance is definitely not.

We must be ready to know what we believe, therefore, if we don't know it can we really even believe it? We must to be ready to use what we know to give an answer and if we can't... what are we saying about what we 'believe'?

Ignorance really is bliss.

A question: What do you believe?

"Well, I believe that God is good and Jesus saved me."

But why?

"Urmmm. because its the truth."

But why is it the truth?

"Because it just is."

What makes you say that?

"It's what I've been told."

Who told you? Who fed you that?

"I've been at church for a while."

Did you search deeply for truth?

"No, I just understood it."

How? What makes you say that it's absolute truth?

"Well, it just is. Please let me go on in my ignorance and lack of adequate response for the truth that I believe."

... Be ready to give a response. Right?

This goes beyond the limitations of intellect and academia. It is not just for the board minds and thoughtful people. It's for every Christian who claims to have the truth within them and living it out. Think, would it be right to just hear something and say to yourself, 'oh, I'll do that, it sounds nice and positive"?

I believe that the God of the Hebrews, the universe and this place right here, does open and close eyes... Spiritual eyes. But could this be without our ignorance? Could it be that our freedom to think, search, dig and crave for answers is within his sovereignty?

Not knowing and walking as you always have done is bliss. What you don't know won't hurt you. But please for a moment stop and think. Was the truth you believe today fed to you or did you find it for yourself? Are you believing it because someone else told you or did you find it?

The need to rid your life of ignorance is imperative. Ignorance is fatal, for you, yes but more so for the world around you.

When was the last time you dug and sweated to find the treasure? Or did you just take a look at someone else's treasure?

Words to dwell on:

Dig. Search. Crave. Hunt. Find. Ask. Enlighten. Discover. Explore. Be known. Know.

How can you ever be given eyes to see if don't chase after them in the first place?

Acts 17:30 - In the past God overlooked such ignorance, but now he commands all people everywhere to repent.

A Shattering Thought...

2010-09-16T21:44:00.002+01:00

Man KNOWS very little, and the few

- the very very very few -

will learn to fall down, pray and fight ignorance.

There can be nothing worse than an ignorant, blissfully unaware soul wandering toward something they don't even know.

If a God is really there, then a search must begin.

A soul destroying search that brings to light a depth of truly knowing.

From a castle to the 16th floor

2010-09-06T14:09:00.002+01:00

My first two weeks of classes have finished. Today is labour day holiday so I have to read and get some projects done and dusted for classes start up again tomorrow.

I spend most of my time sitting at my desk in my room reading through this mountain of pages. So far, there has been a lot of work but this is what I expected and I am enjoying learning so much more. God is stretching me and I wait in patience for Him to reveal the outcome of some these lessons. I do believe He is in complete control.

I have managed to get out into the city a lot and use the buses and trains. I do love to explore places especially a city like this with so much to learn.

This place is a lot different from capernwray. For one, I am in the city and living in a apartment block on the 16th floor. The study is more intense and the atmosphere is different too.

Today, I am pleased.

Today, I am trying to be patient and wait on the Lord.

Today, I am reading.

Praying for you...

2010-09-04T18:15:00.005+01:00

Edited Lyrics - LeCrae

Father God, I'm praying to you for somebody, who knows you Lord but just hasn't, hasn't been seeing you in the right view lately, Hear me out...

Father, I'm praying for a friend he and I are close, and out of all my friends for this one I'm concerned the most. He say he is reading daily but he ain't really learning that much. He been in church but says that he isn't moved by any sermon. His face is weak, you gotta help my man, I'm praying for him daily, he hasn't sinned but it just seems as if he is going insane.

He says he feeling trapped, can't even go to the mall. He keeps the TV off it just makes him feel that he isn't really nothing without money, clothes and shiny wheels. The other day he told me that he felt less of a man because he doesn't have a five-year plan or a piece of land and it's crazy because his family think so much of him, plus he got a godly girl who always showing love to him. He's struggling, even though he talks to me, I tell him what to do but he don't listen when he ought to be. I'm scared for him because there's people that look up to him. Lord don't let it be, if he doesn't want to talk to you then Father hear from me. Is it done for him?

He says he trying trust you and doesn't wanna disgust you but he was in the mist of sinners and did not talk about you and just today his anxiety's got the best of him. He knows Christ but for hours refuse to rest. He's not the best of men but Lord I know he really loves you. People trust this man, you could crush this man, Father he needs more of you and I pray you touch this man; what can I say to him? I'm determined to pray for him, Father empty him I pray you'll just have your way with him, because there's a change in him and the effects are strong.

I pray you open up his heart. I pray he'll open up the sixty-six book love letter you wrote and soak it up because he isn't hearing You and he isn't getting me and God I know it's killing You because it's killing me. Matter of fact there's something else he's concealing...

...the person that I've been praying about is really me.

All or Nothing...

2010-09-02T03:59:00.002+01:00

The Power of My God is unthinkable. He has His way and His way is good. He holds the seas in His hands and the wind blows at His commands. Who am I not to live completely for Him? Who am I to complain? I must wait and wait for Him.

The Lord requires everything. His love is endless. Anything less than 100% service is lukewarm. Lukewarm living is fatal. If you don't desire to give everything to God may He have some kind of mercy on you.

The church of Christ has lost so much since the early days. Revival does seem far away but then again that is the time God shows up. The passion has gone. The churches seem fine on the surface but really they are nowhere. Can you see it? Can you see the lack of glory?

My hearts breaks for the lost. It breaks just as much for the blind who think they can see. Here's a question I ask myself a lot. Now think here. Really did it. Stop.

What if you are wrong?

2010-08-29T01:28:00.002+01:00

I only have one hope. I have one way that is right. All others leads no where. Every path but one takes me to that land.

My way has been lit for sometime. I have been able to see the way but haven't always kept to it. When the light is taken away I realise the impossible task ahead. When the light is taken away I cannot see a thing.

My stomach churns. My head pulsates. Heaven watches and hell is against me. My God is far from me. He has hidden His face. Today I have no other hope but Him. I know the only way and I wait to be led. I am weak and discouraged.

To want more is to seek. To seek is to search. To search is to commune, read and fast. To commune, read and fast is to obey. To obey is to love. To love is the gospel. The gospel is Christ.

Psalm 38:17-22

2010-08-29T01:14:00.000+01:00

¹⁷ For I am about to fall,
and my pain is ever with me.

¹⁸ I confess my iniquity;
I am troubled by my sin.

¹⁹ Many are those who are my vigorous enemies;
those who hate me without reason are numerous.

²⁰ Those who repay my good with evil
slander me when I pursue what is good.

²¹ O LORD, do not forsake me;
be not far from me, O my God.

²² Come quickly to help me,
O Lord my Savior.

2010-08-21T14:23:00.000+01:00

2010-08-21T05:30:00.004+01:00

I have so many emails to write and reply to but I'd rather be here for a while before I go to bed.

The summer rolled up with a very sharp goodbye and a very loud hello from a busy, sleepless city. I am here. In one piece at the moment. At Moody.

My mind feels like I have a million things to process, several thousand people to meet and a hundred books to read. It's what I expected. Life is just starting to make a little more sense now I have been here for a week. I could learn to love it here but I will take the advice that was left for me, 'guard your heart', and this I will do. The excessive lifestyle this place offers is not for me, therefore, I intend not to be seduced by the luxuries it offers. Instead, I want more of Jesus, that is why I am here after all. The desire to be something great isn't as strong as it was, I don't know if that is good or not. A greater desire within me now is that the will of God would be done, whatever that looks like. I'd be a caretaker or a toilet cleaner, I don't care so much, just give me Jesus and put me in the middle of Father's will. That'll do nicely.

This is the view from my 16th floor bedroom window:

It looks soothing and in a way it is, but it never sleeps. Sirens can be heard long into the night and what seems to be distant gun shots.

Chiacgo... the city of training. It's about throw everything it has at me. I pray for refinement through the fire. May His will be done.

Home

2010-08-09T12:53:00.004+01:00

It's become hard to define home over the last few years. As a wannabe follower of Jesus I suppose it must be heaven. That's where my home is now and will always be however much my life may suggest it is not.

The wind down has begun. Signing off from places and faces. Letting go is as painful as ever. With a trembling hand I prepare to turn the page once more, looking only ahead now. I have a strong taste of that eternal home because of what I feel now. This is where I grew older and all the more confused, this is where I laughed and cried, this is where I climbed trees and rode bikes, this is where I took breaths of combine-dust-filled air, this is in a sense home but only just the start. This has been my turf for some time now, this is familiarity and what I know, this is where I feel nothing can steal me.

The feeling of home brings a security. It brings a knowing of what's over there and under that and on top of those. The feeling of home that I feel now is just a taste of what is to come. I am waving goodbye to the familiar and on to more of life. Everything I need is just here right now and that is what home is.

It has not become so much a house but more this patch of fields, these surrounding acres. The land where I feel a sense of freedom, a feeling I long for more of one day and will get. It's the land I run through and jump through, where I sit and think and try to understand. The land where experience is digested over and over and over. A land with open skies and gnarled oak trees before golden sunsets. A land where a security can be tasted.

Home... there is more to come and how good it will be.

With my arms high the air, desperately trying to look to the future and forget the mistakes the walk continues. The hustle and bustle of a busy city can be heard in the distance and I'll be getting there soon. Chapters seem to be getting shorter but the world gets all the more beautiful. Grace has never tasted sweeter as I am picked up and dusted down. Wounds are healing and scars will always be a testimony to the battles within myself. Consequences will be laid bare. Getting up and rising once more is everything. The fight must continue, the battle is not yet done.

Standing on the edge of the nest I stretch my wings. Give a little practise flap, focused on the flight ahead. Looking back is not really an option now, let's live with it and get on with the job in hand. Home is waiting.

Home... the best is yet to come. Home is where the heart is. The heart is where our treasure is. The treasure is the foundation for our lives.

Capture that...

2010-08-07T11:50:00.005+01:00

Paid a visit to Ely Cathedral yesterday.

It is one big building. It is elaborate. It is extravagant. It is awesome. It is giant. It is a landmark. It is extraordinary.

The cathedral was essentially built to capture some of the glory of God. In some way it has done this but then again missed it by miles. How can a building achieve this?

It is beautiful and awesome in it's own way but there was something in it that was far greater than the cathedral itself. There was something on the inside that was far more important. Something small and seemingly insignificant. Something that all of the extravagance of the place was put to shame by. Something that bought far more glory to God than everything the building could offer.

To one corner in a part of the cathedral was a small box with the title 'Please put your prayer requests here'. Can you see it in the bottom left of the photo?

This box alone gave more glory to God than the whole building and it's contents. Above the thousands of stained glass windows, fancy organ, paintings, stone work, wood carvings, and gold, this box is more valuable to God. More than anything we could ever build.

After all the cathedral is only a building. It is material that can never be taken beyond this life. It in itself is of little value to God compared to prayer boxes.

It's funny how the world looks at things isn't it.

A cathedral or a prayer box?

A Stale Harvest

2010-08-07T09:50:00.002+01:00

The Gospel is only good news if it gets there on time.

6,000 unreached people groups in the world (2.4 billion people) and we're thinking about our next holiday, cleaning the car and what's for dinner this evening.

How on earth will most members of the western church answer the Father on the last day?

Spurgoen was once asked, "Can those who have never heard the gospel the gospel be saved?'

He responded, "Can those who HAVE heard the gospel and not told anyone be saved?"

Having read this you can choose to look the other way but you can never say 'I did not know'.

True that JP...

2010-08-02T19:36:00.001+01:00

Sir F. Drake

2010-07-28T20:07:00.000+01:00

Disturb us, Lord, when We are too well pleased with ourselves,

When our dreams have come true

Because we have dreamed too little,

When we arrived safely

Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when

With the abundance of things we possess

We have lost our thirst

For the waters of life;

Having fallen in love with life,

We have ceased to dream of eternity

And in our efforts to build a new earth,

We have allowed our vision

Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,

To venture on wider seas

Where storms will show your mastery;

Where losing sight of land,

We shall find the stars.

We ask You to push back

The horizons of our hopes;

And to push into the future

In strength, courage, hope, and love.

Learned

2010-07-28T17:48:00.005+01:00

And so to march onward, over the hill and on to Chicago in 16 days time. I could have been granted a time of rest and relaxation for my time in Suffolk, but has it really been? No, not at all and I like it that way. Doing nothing has never been an option in my walk with Jesus, it doesn't seem to be how I am made. Restlessness has become my friend. We spend most days together and walk in the same way. It's like we know each other well and find contentment in the fact that we'll never stay for too long. I suppose the contentment is found is knowing who you really are. I know I am a goer so I accept it and then go. Easy... ish.

Grace tastes sweet. Disobedience tastes sour.

The Bible clearly gives direction. Radical and sold-out. A life with no passivity and compromise. I have not lived this summer as I should. I have decided to eat maggots instead of true bread. It's been my choice... I live with that and I learn with that. The consequences are mine. My flesh has gained moments of satisfaction I am ashamed to say, it has been given far too much feed. Hypocrisy seems like my general way of life in an almost hopeless chase for perfection. The Bible says and James kind of does. To sum it up:

I want more but James gets in the way. I have fought and fought but James still is there. I worked hard and been slower to speak but still I remain.

The sweetest taste to ever cross over the threshold of my spiritual lips is grace.

In deepest moments of self-aware lack of Godlyness grace tastes it's sweetest. The chance to get up and go. To rise. With heaven watching and hell against me... I will rise. James will always be with me, ready to rise up. This will happen however much one fights but at all times there must a fight about it. A battle. A war. This, friend, is what should be happening.

16 days until more precious learning. Precious and glorious. Feed me please. Feed me with the right, nutritious food. Give me bread and let me march on. Give me opportunity and watch Him move. Give me courage and willingness and witness a world change.

An opportunity beckons... it is only days away. I will take this with both hands and hold on it with all my might. James will be with me, still the fight goes on. Placed in my hands is something worth fighting for. A resource that few places can offer.

Grab a chance and you won't be sorry for a might-have-been. My world may fall apart, I will fall and people will reject me for it but still I will march on. There is no security on this earth; there is only opportunity. If my ship doesn't come in, I will swim out to get it. I will make more opportunities than I find. It's funny, I have never heard of an early-rising, hard-working, prudent man, careful of his dealings and strictly honest ever complain of bad luck or no favour.

I will be easily satisfied with the very best. Growth, in some way, I suspect, depends on being in motion just a little bit, one way or another. Einstein said, 'nothing happens until something moves'. Life is change... growth is optional... choose wisely. To learn, to desire, to know, to feel, to think, to act. This is what I want and nothing else. This is what a will try for. I am curious for more and curiosity has its own reason for existing.

I have learned and I am learning but I will never be learned.

Called Home.

2010-07-27T11:57:00.003+01:00

Watching blood diamond last night and I noticed something incredible. Whether this was done intentionally or not it took 3 times of watching the film before I got it.

Solomon Vandy, a faithful, hard-working west African fisherman has his family scattered because of a rebel uprising. His wife and girls are taken to a refugee camp and his son is taken away and brutally trained as a child soldier. His son, Dia is trained to do the most horrific things. He is taken away by evil and brainwashed to live as the evil men do. He fights for the rebels until he comes face to face with his father again.

Watch this film carefully. Isn't it just like our Father? Solomon tells Dia WHO he really is. His identity is made clear and then he calls him home. Looks like me and you. Being entangled by evil and living with/for the enemy and then being graciously called home. A lot like the prodigal son. A lot like me everyday.

Jonah's Prayer

2010-07-22T18:54:00.000+01:00

¹ From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. ² He said:

"In my distress I called to the LORD,
and he answered me.
From the depths of the grave ^{a]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]} I called for help,
and you listened to my cry.

³ You hurled me into the deep,
into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers
swept over me.

⁴ I said, 'I have been banished
from your sight;
yet I will look again
toward your holy temple.'

⁵ The engulfing waters threatened me, ^{b]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[b]}
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.

⁶ To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you brought my life up from the pit,
O LORD my God.

⁷ "When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.

⁸ "Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs.

⁹ But I, with a song of thanksgiving,
will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good.
Salvation comes from the LORD."

2010-07-20T18:57:00.001+01:00

My moto for the 2010-2011 year:

-Let's get rid of the crap... and do something.-

2010-07-20T18:52:00.001+01:00

St. Theresa's Prayer:

May today there be peace within. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.... May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of us.

CAR WASH!

2010-07-20T14:28:00.004+01:00

CAR WASH!!!!!!

There will be a CAR WASH at the Bradfield and Rougham Baptist Church on Saturday (24th July) 10am-12 noon in AID of the current starvation in West Africa.

Thousands of people are dying as animals are dying and crop prices rise massively.

Come down to the church on Saturday morning and get your car washed, have a cup of tea and donate to a most worthy cause.

My Enemy...

2010-07-14T12:00:00.001+01:00

My worst Enemy is... James Martin.

2010-07-13T18:21:00.000+01:00

Live as though HE is coming back tonight.

2010-07-12T22:41:00.002+01:00

///THE WORLD has yet to SEE what }

...GOD...

{ c@n do through one PERSON completely yielded to HIM\\\.

[C0mmUnitY]

2010-07-11T16:16:00.003+01:00

I can remember being back in Brasil and being stunned by what I found in one of the 'small' slums that apparently was true for all of the slums in South America.

Community.

Not surface acquaintances but real deep, caring community. More than name terms but on sharing-everything terms. I saw and met people willing to share everything for the good of others and of God's glory. It was amazing and really made me take a step back. You see, they truly understood that we are given things not so much for ourselves but to give back to God. They loved God so much that every blessing He gave out they gave it right back to Him mainly by sharing. There was true community in that beaten up all shanty town. Smiling children and delighted parents, content old people and joyous labourers. God was really glorified in that place.

It reminds me a lot of Acts chapter 2. The early Christians understood that things in themselves are not bad but its all about your heart in it. Their hearts were not set on building treasure on this earth but treasure in heaven. Essentially they put everything in middle, took what they needed to live and gave the rest away. I love that. I love that kind of living. Although it seems a long way before any western church gets to that point it would be a great work to fight for. But then thinking about it, it doesn't have to be a church. What about a group of completely devoted followers fighting for the heart of the King and escaping the grip of this world and it's 'things'? What if they could do that? What if, in the western world that kind of community could be found? That surely is true community. I would love that. I'd do it in the flash. But then again, it's easier for me to say because I don't have many materials to actually cling on to.

We had a party here last night. This was the start of the community I want. I believe it makes God happy. He must smile. His creation/people/His image coming together and just being. Being who they are.

Talking, laughing, listening, playing, learning and being.

There is nothing that makes me more happy than seeing that last night. Surely this is church. It is church. Not walls or sits or hymn books... but the people.

My whole life I will chase after this community and family founded on Jesus. I will chase after Him and see the family grow and grow and grow.

Some advice for the day: LET GO.

Let go of everything that hold you back from being a devoted follower of Jesus. Just Let GO of it all. You don't need it. You know what you need to hold on to and you also know how faithful He is. Just Let Go.

Thought...

2010-07-09T16:43:00.000+01:00

M@tErIaLi$m cont...

2010-07-07T18:12:00.003+01:00

A little extra thought here. I was at work today and being a gardener I have copious time to think on things.

I have come up up with two damaging effects of MATERIALISM:

1. Poverty. (Amos Chapter 5).

Essentially the suffocation of whole countries.

Ghandi once said 'There is enough in this world for everyone's need but not enough for everyone's greed'. True.

Again we come around to the issue of SELF. On an individual level we are selfish and on a national level we are selfish. This leads to the resources of the world being wrongly distributed. Too much in one country and too little in another. If one country or culture has a desire or a want, it is fulfilled it whatever way possible. This leads to other people not having their daily bread and not having what they need to get by.

Look at magazines and shops and TV adverts and radio adverts and signs and the Jones' next door. You get fed what the world tells you and you eat it like a delicious slice of cake. But really it is rotten and will eat you from the inside and others too.

We are given resources/things/stuff from God to give. We are given to give out. We are blessed to bless. That is how it works. How can you keep a gift to yourself with a need only across the sea?

I beg you, stand before God at the end of time and give Him the right answer.

2. Suffocation of the Soul.

The book of Matthew records the story of the rich young man. He wanted to know how to find eternal life. He looked for it in the law (as he had kept the law rightly) and could not find it. Jesus responds by telling him to drop his treasure and follow Him. You see, in his hand he was holding his love for possessions and not Jesus. His treasure was his money and not Jesus.

Jesus tells him to give it all away and then come and follow but the rich young man could not do this. His treasure was not Christ.

"It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle..."

The normal Christian response is, "Well the eye of a needle was a gate and a camel got on it's knees and went through. You see it is possible just really hard".

WRONG!

Don't believe this. There was no such gate if the research is done properly and camels do not walk on their knees. It is impossible. IMPOSSIBLE. So therefore, it is impossible for a rich man to enter the gates of heaven. Think about it. I am scared stiff of being rich! Never ever!

Having possessions will lead to me not treasuring Christ as I should. I want to treasure Him and only Him! There is no other way or other hope. I hope and pray I will never be suffocated by materialism.

Following Christ is radical. The radical we see now should the normal Christian life.

Stand before the King at the end of it all and tell Him what you did with what He gave you. I hope the answer to this changes the look of your bank account, your life, your house, your car(s) and heart and changes some poverty stricken lives. I hope the answer delivers from a grips of a love of possessions to a joy and freedom found in serving our God.

M@tErIaLi$m

2010-07-06T15:39:00.005+01:00

The leader of the Chinese underground church was once asked... "What's your biggest fear for the underground church in China?"

His response was one word... "Materialism".

South Korea has seen a massive growth in it's church over the last half century. The church has gone from 1 million people to 50 million in the space of 50 years, however now we are seeing the growth rate stop. The church hasn't continued to grow as it was. 150 church leaders from South Korea were gathered together and when asked by OM directors what they thought the problem might be the answer again was...

"Materialism".

Definition - a desire for wealth and material possessions with little interest in ethical or spiritual matters.

It may be of interest to note that 16 out of 38 recorded parables that Jesus told concerned possessions and money. And over 2,000 verses in the Bible concern helping the poor and needy. Jesus spoke more about material possessions than He did about heaven and hell combined.

Do you think this might be an important issue?

Do you think as humans we might hide from the fact that materialism has a huge part to play? Do we skip onto a new subject every time our possessions are questioned?

Our fallen natures would suggest... yes.

We are fallen. Our very nature can be summed up in one word. A word that as a follower of Christ we should do everything in our power to get away from. A word that destroys us. A thing that eats us and drags us as far as can possibly be from the cross. I am not talking about things/materials because them in themselves are not bad at all. As objects they are not bad. The thing that drives us away from God is...

SELF.

We feed ourselves. We cling onto ourselves. The barriers to Godly living goes up as self is satisfied. Self is our enemy. Self is my very worst enemy.

Might you be thinking... that's easy for you to say? Or It's not for everyone?

As a Christian self is to be denied. When self creeps in so does stuff. Materials. We look at ourselves and want... and we get. Jesus seems insistent with this issue and doesn't put it on the back burner. If materialism is enough to halt church growth it is enough to halt our growth. It is enough to take a hold of our hearts in the most subtle of ways and squeeze the God given breathe from our lungs. It is enough to tie the wings that give us freedom down.

As Christians, if we claim to be, we treasure Christ. God gives us 'things' to bless others. I have heard Christian after Christian say to me, 'God gives us good things to enjoy' with their own enjoyment in mind. I would like to ask the question, 'could you please define what a good thing is?'

Because if our hearts are to be so in-line with God's, a good thing in the world's eyes isn't so much a good thing in God's. I don't really enjoy the world's good things any more. A good thing to me is not a holiday or a nice car, or house, or ipod or things. A good thing to me is to see a Soul flat out before Jesus for the very first time. A good thing to me is to see a broken heart made whole. A good thing to me a something that brings a smile to God's face. Not materials. My heart is nowhere near in line with God's yet but I am running as fast as I can toward Him and away from the world.

Yes, God gives me good things to enjoy. I have seen these things. I pray that He will continue to give me good things to enjoy. These things are not material.

Please, define for me, what exactly is a good thing? Is your answer of this world? If so, get to grips with the real gospel and meet with Jesus.

A good thing to enjoy is not materialism. Don't mix the two together.

I have begun the process of simple living. I have started my escape from materialism and the joy has begun. I often ask myself this question...

As Christians, we are supposed to be like Jesus (1 John 1:6, 2:6 etc), debate with me on that one. If so, would Jesus go to sleep at night in a four bedroomed house with two cars in His drive knowing that 30,000 people died that day of starvation?

It's funny what we come up with to justify that one isn't it?

Materialism = spiritual and physical suffocation.

2010-07-03T11:53:00.002+01:00

There is a lot to be for being selfless. I am more convinced than ever that this is the route to joy and life to the full is being selfless. It really has to be it.

If we know God we are servants. We serve. We lessen ourselves before God and man to serve. We become more and more selfless become who we are supposed to be. A big word for this is... willingness. A question that begs to be asked is... are we willing?

To the Christian: we all have the same God within us. We all have the same spirit. No one has more of Him or less of Him. So therefore, within each of us is the same power as the next person. All of us have this mighty God within us. We all have the potential to achieve the impossible and to change the world within us. So then, why are we all different?

Within our own callings we are to be radical, excellent missionaries. To the our own world (world being a relative term here) we are to be Jesus. The power for the amazing lies within each of us, we all have the same God remember. It comes down to a question of willingness. Are you willing to become less? Are you willing to become so much less that this power within has the room to move? Willingness is a huge thing. If we are willing to lessen ourselves, drops the pride and fear in everything, we will all surely see history made.

Serve. Willingness. Potential.

It's all there, you just got to let it happen by letting go of yourself.

2010-06-19T14:30:00.003+01:00

THE MOMENT

I am found in Christ.

I am not the clothes I wear. I am not the job a work. I am not the car I drive. I am none of these.

James Martin = In His image.

I am myself.

I am myself in the moment.

I must live in the moment.

The moment is where I will live.

Not to win, not to lose but to just BE me.

Because of Jesus I live, I breathe, I speak, I play football, I love nature, I walk, I search, I find joy, I love adventure, I love to swim, I love sun, I love rain, I love hanging out with kids, I love the sound of laughter, I love to play music.

If that Bible. The book with all those pages and words that Christians say is inspired by God is true. IF IF IF. If it is true then surely our lives should look completely different to the world. With the Bible open on my bed... paper and ink. Pages and chapters. Millenniums and influence. Here's a question: if this is true why do I do what I do? Why am I not different?

I believe it is true. I have faith, a blind faith that this true.

It must take understanding this about the Bible and combining it with the moment. Living it in each moment. Not just initiative or good intention. But both things at once... now, not later. In this moment.

The moment is HIS...

... it belongs to Him.

2010-06-13T13:52:00.002+01:00

The hills of Lancashire drift into the distance and over the horizon. My person is stained with a thousand joyous moments all rolled up into a 9 month blink. People are scattered across the earth with a fresh fire, blazing heavenward.

Hell trembles,

Heaven sings,

and the world as yet to see.

This chapter has been the best yet. I am eager for the sun to rise, to rub my eyes and turn the page. I look back with a dancing heart and I look forward with a triumphant hope.

Jesus, this is for you. Take this life like a pen and write what you will.

Over the page and to the next chapter entitled...

...FREEDOM

2010-06-03T21:17:00.001+01:00

~~~ Another thought for today…~~~

Who are YOU?

“Love your neighbour as you love yourself” – Jesus Christ.

As you love yourself? Love yourself? Is this arrogance? I am sure something like this would have been considered wrong thinking, but it can’t be, it’s from Jesus. I have to love myself as I love my neighbour. What a foreign concept to me, I was trying to run from this attitude. I had spent so long going in the other direction.

Here, in the words of Jesus, lies a massive answer to many questions. The answer to selfishness, resentment, offence, defence, anger, bitterness, hatred, annoyance, irritation, frustration, self-pity.

Take a long time with this. Know who you really really really are. Understand your true identity. Love the skin God has put you in, because it is truly beautiful… stunning. He has made you able to do some things so well with obvious gifting. He has given you the privilege to have your identity in Christ.

Feed yourself with the right thoughts; this is vital. Choose to rid yourself of the negative thoughts about yourself. Believe that you can.

Believe that you can and that you are.

You are free to choose. Free to serve. Free to love. Just as you are. Love yourself. Know yourself. Find your IDENTITY.

* WHO ARE YOU? *

2010-06-03T21:16:00.000+01:00

~~~A thought for today…~~~

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

One could chase after doctrine, systems and creeds and find no reward. One can attempt to interpret the order of the end times and find no significance. One can build treasure on this earth and find no contentment. One can search for satisfaction in legalism and never find fulfilment.

The answer is far closer to home than most realise. The result is far more simple than our complex lives make out. The reward is there for the taking.

The end to it all can be summed up in the question: What are you looking for?

Chase, attempt, build and search. Tiresome is every effort of humanity to locate the treasures, screened only by his own ‘self’. The things of world are not worth your labour, for they never make an eternal difference in a dying world. There is something greater to fight for. There is a kingdom to belong to.

The reward is in fact, the very heart of Jesus. You need look to the world no more. Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Seek Him first.

::: ?What are you looking for? :::

2010-06-02T21:05:00.000+01:00

/// Go into marriage expecting to give everything and get nothing back ///

2010-06-02T21:03:00.000+01:00

~*"Thought for the day”*~

I can see a divine tranquillity, a majestic peace behind the apparent chaos of creation. At first glance there seems no clear order, but when one takes another more comprehensive gaze, a well-organised, efficient, regimented design is revealed. Take time to stop and let the foreseen plan of the whole universe spring to life… Jesus.

{Take time to… Stop}

2010-06-02T15:42:00.002+01:00

You can't beat encouragement. You can't beat the lift it gives you. Even if it is from someone you have never really met. I'm not talking about mindless praise, but true, thought out, poetic words. Even if it comes from across the sea. Receiving the right encouragement at the right moment is completely God given.

Cool quote:

{God is most GLORIFIED in us, when we are most SATISFIED in Him}

2010-06-01T21:29:00.000+01:00

Stop and Sit...

I went for a walk yesterday. It was beautiful. I took off from Capernwray for the whole afternoon and I got miles away. It does me so much good to get away from everything and just try to empty my mind. I don’t try to run away from everything, however tempting that might be, but rather just to stop. The spaghetti of life will still all be there when I get back and I will always still have to make sense of it all, so there is no point in running away.

I found a rock and sat on it for a while, just soaking up the tri-county view (Lancashire, Cumbria and West Yorkshire). I loved just sitting there.

God has given me so much. He just keeps going and never fails, I mean that. I wish I could be more expressive with my words when I speak about Him. When I think about Him and stop for a moment to soak up His goodness my response is very often silence. I don’t fall on my knees. I don’t lay down. I don’t shout out. I don’t jump around very much. With the knowledge of God’s presence comes rest. I would love to live in that 24 hours a days. Could this be another choice again? Do I choose this?

Life has its ups and downs at the moment; I really don’t find it easy. But that being said I have found a resting place. I seem to be living in the paradox of restlessness and some kind of resting. I don’t know if it’s right or wrong, I’ll just be honest.

I am thankful. I am fighting unbelief and certainty. I am happy that I am alive. I am convincing myself that He is able, bit by bit.

In a very fast world we need to stop. Well I know I do. Go take a long walk into the middle of nowhere if you can. Go escape for a moment. Walk until your feet hurt and when you can’t go any further… sit.

2010-05-29T08:34:00.002+01:00

The most challenging statement of the week:

"If you do not carry out your right thoughts and ideas and they remain only intentions you will eventually become paralysed to doing anything at all."

2010-05-13T14:34:00.002+01:00

......

I am now entering my final month of Capernwray Bible School. It has been a crazy ride, that’s for sure.

Today is a prayer day. We have no lectures and no agendas, even our lunch is a packed one and we can eat when ever we want. It’s been a beautiful day; the sun has been shining and there has a real effort to seek God by everyone here.

I feel God smiling.

This afternoon we all got together for a time to sing praises and give testimonies. When a group of people are so in love with Jesus, it is, I believe, the most beautiful thing. The conference hall has been a place where God changes lives, today I am sure has been no different.People from all different backgrounds, cultures, societies and countries have come together to learn about the most important thing ever, Jesus. Every personality you can imagine has stepped over the threshold of Capernwray Bible School this term. From the small to tall, intelligent to the not so intelligent, loud to quiet, in-your-face to the reserved, the knowingly broken hearted to the not so knowingly broken hearted.

Gathered today we worshipped together.

As the time drew to a close some stayed behind. I am sure there were many things on people’s minds and hearts, so they sat and looked for the Lord.

They sat a looked for the Lord.

They were trying to find Him with their whole hearts. I got up and walked to the back, I could see more clearly than ever before that God was doing something so obvious in these people’s lives. I looked around a bit more and realised that everybody who had stayed had a broken heart. All of these people had hurts deeper than I can understand, so deep the English language does not do the description of their pain justice. All these people were crying out at the top of their spiritual lungs, “Lord, where are you?”. As the tears rolled down their face and on to the well worn dirty blue carpet I could see something. I could see that as every tear rolled off a cheek was caught by God massive hands. In heaven that earthly mix of water and salt was making explosive connections with the heart of the Father in heaven.

We are all broken.

If you think you are whole and unbroken, may I suggest you are one of two things. Either you are naïve or you don’t know yourself. Everyone is a mess, everyone has blind spots and everyone needs healing.

A broken heart is what connects with God more than anything else. When we get to that lowest point we cry out, “Lord, where are you?”

Isn’t that the most amazing thing, ”Lord, where are you?”

Jesus stepped down from heaven to earth and suffered on our behalf; because of this suffering He can say to in that moment, “I understand… I know”.

You see, Jesus knows. He knows every thought, every happiness and every pain; He just knows it all deeply.

As those people today cried out, Jesus responded, “I know”.

Maybe they didn’t feel He said that but we can be assured that He did; it’s who He is. When we get to that point we are presented with a choice, we can go down two different roads: We hear that he understands and then go our on way; this is the choice of many. Or we can hear that he understands and chase after Him with our whole hearts.

This is for the people at that point; where a choice needs to be made. Jesus holds out His hand, maybe you can’t see it, but He cries out for you to take hold of it. I pray that you would take hold it Him. I pray that you understand the hurts and mix ups from the past are left here. Right here. Washed away and never turned back to.

"To the broken hearts:

I know.

Yours,

Jesus."

2010-05-10T14:30:00.001+01:00

Thinking about heaven…

I don’t think that I think about heaven enough.
I say this because when I do actually think about it I come away from those thoughts with a slightly different look on life. It seems that I need constant reminding about how I should be thinking and living, and when I don’t remind myself my thoughts slip.
As fallen human beings we will be constantly slipping in our thoughts and it’s up to us to take them captive. This is even true when thinking about the kingdom of heaven.

What I believe is true. There’s a big statement for some. But I wouldn’t believe if I didn’t think it was true; it being God. God as creator, judge, forgiver and redeemer. So, if I believe it is true then I should be living complete in that truth that I believe. Although doing this is a constant fight it should be consuming my thoughts and dictating the way I live. If my heart is with God and I am now I citizen of heaven, then surely this is what I should be living for. I hope this makes sense.
As a Christian I must be kingdom thinking, I must be heaven thinking.

I think very often as humans we slip and become selfish, well I do at least. Without reminding I soon start to think about myself and my desires in life. For example, I put too much importance on WHAT God would have me do for my life. On the surface this may seem perfectly fine, but it isn’t. If I am completely kingdom thinking then really it doesn’t even matter what I do as long as glorify Him. My plans and desires should essentially belong to Him and what I think take back seat. Of course He has a plan but there is a much more important thing to consider. This heaven thinking should be applied to every area of our lives; thoughts, desires, passions, environment and wealth/possessions.
If we remind ourselves of heaven and why we live we might even see a different picture of the church. If heaven was all that mattered, really mattered to us, not just a back seat thought, would our lives look different? How would we pray? And from that, how would we meet the need of the world? Would our lives mean less to us? Would it drive us go to any lengths to serve and glorify Him? Just think the reward at the end of it all! (Assuming we have been faithful followers.)

I need reminding. I would guess that you might too.

Remember.

Remember the kingdom.

When we are kingdom thinking, we are all about Jesus. When we are kingdom thinking, we are all about glorifying God. When we are kingdom thinking, we might just start to die to live.

2010-05-06T14:54:00.002+01:00

Real Learning...

It’s been a while. I attempted to write a blog over the weekend but the internet was down and I let that deter me.

It’s been a hectic last few days. I feel like I always say that. Does that mean my life is too hectic? I think that would be a fair comment.

I guess things have just been coming at me from all different directions. From Moody and visas to Africa and gathering finances. Mix this with leading outreaches here, bible studies, prayer meetings, projects and the up and coming police day. However, all of this provides a chance to learn, I mean actually learn.

The principle here said something I our first term,

“I am going to say that you will learn nothing here at Bible school”. He went on to explain that we will only fill our heads with the knowledge of Christian living and not actually learn it because we have not even lived it. More and more, I am finding this is true. You see, at Capernwray we are being told a lot of cool stuff, stuff that will potentially change our lives and make a huge difference to a dying world. But we don’t actually learn it.

Here it is with me. A lot of stressful things have been going on. Last week I let it get on top of me, I let it control me. I found it very hard to sit down and rest, in fact it didn’t happen, it was impossible. Most of my Christian life I have said with a confidence, ‘I trust in God’. You know, it’s a very easy thing to say that but a whole other thing to do and actually learn it. So, this last week when things became impossible for me, I had to learn a lesson, I didn’t even have a choice. If I didn’t let go of it all and leave it in God’s hands it would have just got worse and controlled me. At the end of the day I had to learn it as there was no other hope. It’s not an instant thing but rather a process that has started. A liberating process at that.

God is good. He is good all the time. I have been taught a vital lesson. My strength fails and there is only so much someone can do before they reach burn out. God is sovereign and in control, what more can I say and do?

“Be still and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10.

Hints of real contentment are drawing closer. It would be very easy for me to change direction and take a turn onto the road called Burn-Out. It’s going to take a constant effort to ‘Love God and then do what I want’. Life seems to be lived on a knife edge, I could slip into anything at any moment but that’s me. That’s me being real with you. God is stronger and very able, so in fact life is on a knife edge from this angle but from His angle it’s not at all.

Here’s a random question I was thinking about:

Should a Christian go on holiday? It’s good to rest, very good, but there is an unprecedented need in the world. Where would ones time and finances be best spent? Maybe it’s an issue of conscience...

2010-04-20T21:22:00.000+01:00

Beau and I...

2010-04-19T21:14:00.001+01:00

Back and forward.

“Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect; but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead. I press on toward the goal, to win the prize for Christ Jesus has called me heavenward”. (Phil 3:12-14).

Our principle made a cool illustration this morning in a lecture. He spoke about all the different people arriving at Capernwray with all their bags, and how some people bring so much stuff with them. I must admit, it must be such a sight to see people from every nation, entering a new place, terrified out of their brains with literally tons of stuff. This illustration was applied to our souls, and it made me think and I identified with him on hugely on this. There was me looking at others as always, thinking about their stuff that them have bought with them, but for a moment a looked my own life. I realise more than ever before that I too have bought a lot of ‘stuff’ with me. I have bought all sorts of ‘stuff’ with me, and I can’t imagine having to carry all of this up to my room at Capernwray.

I’ll take a quick glance back at the last season in life, its regrets, its ups and its downs, good times and bad times. So much has happened. Some good decisions and I am sure, some terrible decisions. Some things I wouldn’t do much differently and other things I would not have done at all. Not just at Capernwray but all through life. This being said, it’s the start of another season. The old has gone and the new is on the way. I can smell spring coming.

“Forgetting what is behind…” is an amazing thing. However hard it is to accept, what is done is done and unable to be changed. If we were left with that then we have no hope whatsoever, but thankfully it’s not. You know the deal by now, but we must be reminded over and over again. As Saint’s we are forgiven completely and we can forget what is dark and unhelpful, we can move on from where we are now. We are given a second chance. My pride and lust can relentlessly be given a divine size 9 up the backside toward the horizon.

“Strain toward what is ahead”, this is an even more amazing thing. A new beginning in Christ. Paul’s statement here can be summed up as ‘opportunity’. Like I have said before, I love this word. All those in Christ must now strain toward what is to come; and how amazing is that? Really think about it. We have forgiveness and then we have a hope of a life in Christ and an eternity in Christ. Although we have our ups and downs at the core of it all we have an overriding joy of what is to come. So really, hard things aren’t really as hard as they seem when put into the context of eternity (maybe in life I’ll come up with exceptions to this rule, I am still a kid).

I’m looking out to the next 8 weeks. This will be what I make it, as choices will have to be made everyday.

Manifesto for the 8 weeks left: Colossians 3:23.

2010-04-17T09:25:00.001+01:00

2010-04-12T11:06:00.002+01:00

Got Any Bibles?

I was working on the bookshop as usual today, being careful to do a good job, not something I always remember to do. But at least today I was making an effort to work more efficiently.

We have about 4 tills in a row, and there is almost always a member of staff on each all the day through. We were going through one of those ‘quiet patches’, when all of a sudden the queue disappears and we are left with very little to do. I usually take these moments to sit down, as being on ones feet for 8 hours takes its toll in the legs. It was during one of these times that a lady in a wheel chair approached the till next to me. This lady appeared to have a severe disability, as it meant she could not keep her body still at all. Her mind was as sharp as it ever has been, I’m sure, but the outward disability impaired everything she did. She found it difficult to talk, it meant that those around had to listen extra carefully, she found it extremely difficult to hold the controls for her wheelchair and she couldn’t stand up and look who she was talking to in the eye.

As I watched her approach a member of staff I thought about her life. My mind suddenly raced towards all sorts of questions.

What’s it like to be in her body? What if that was me? How would I cope?

It must be extremely hard, with a sound mind and all, to be forced to live like that. I am sure in the same situation many Christian might question why their God allows such things. She needs constant care and attention. Her body must be absolutely exhausted by the end of the day and there is nothing she can do about it. To me, that looks like a very hard life and a trying existence.

She steered her wheelchair towards the tills and asked a question that hit me hard…

“Do you have any Audio Bibles?”

With a life as hard as she has, being unable to read, all she wanted was to listen to the bible. All she wanted was the word of God. Now that is something. You could see it on her face. She had waited so long to have access to a precious Bible. Think for a moment what she has been through and what she will have to go through, but was finding an obvious comfort in her Saviour. With such a sound mind she must have to endure the humiliation of someone feeding her, washing her and caring for her.

I am pleased to say that I came into contact with a true disciple of Christ.

When everything else around her had disintegrated, especially her body, Christ was still number one. It was so apparent that all she wanted was a Bible to listen to.

It was a sign that something big was going on inside.

What if everything around us was to fall apart? We were forced into a restricting lifestyle and couldn’t care for ourselves. Would we be able to ask, with the same desperation as she…

Do you have any Bibles? Because I really want to know Jesus more and more.

Would we ask that question? Maybe for some of us that day will come. Will we believe in our saviour completely and enough that He is number one over everything? When something terrible happens, will He still be number one? I hope so. I guess, we will be living in God’s grace until that time, and when that time may come, we will again be living in God’s grace.

I wonder what the lady might say if someone handed that t-shirt (last blog) to her. Is it really that easy? When you love Him like that, Yes, but it was only ever because of the hardships.

In a sense we are already disabled. We are DIS - ABLED to do what we were meant to do. We are not able anymore. We need God. We are dying in defiance against everything Godly and we are in desperate need of saving. There, my friends, is the gospel. There is John 3:16 in context. We must look to Christ because there is no other hope.

Look to Christ. Look for Him wherever you can.

Do you have any Bibles?

2010-04-11T14:16:00.002+01:00

My Jesus?

Naked.

Bleeding.

Vulnerable.

Thirsty.

He was a sacrifice for sins and now He saves. This truly is the greatest news… He saves.

I have been wrestling hugely in understanding Jesus Christ. I don’t know where to go or what to do to find more understanding. I ask the Father but I am left with more questions than answers. If only I could just have an almighty glimpse of my Jesus on a cross clearer than I have ever seen Him.

I am sure we can think of answers to this… ‘How about praying more?’, ‘Oh and what about looking at creation more deeply?’, ‘Maybe find a good book to read from the saints of old?’.

These things just don’t seem to compare with the horror of my Jesus on a cross. Where on earth can one find Him? There are many things that display the love of God, but these are only the surface to what it He is actually like. I want to be blinded by Christ so brilliantly that I can see nothing else but Him. If I was to see Him as He truly is then nothing else would ever even matter more to me than knowing Him, not even my life would be put above Him.

It would be life-shattering to simply see the surface of what my Jesus did. I only want to see for a moment, or would even this be too much? I am convinced there is more to living out Christ than what’s going on right now. It’s not about reading until I can read no more, or about making as many friends as possible or even starting an organisation to serve God, it’s all about Jesus. If this is the truth, which I believe He is, then how on earth do I find this catastrophic enlightenment? I know He’s true, there and real, but I just can’t stop here.

There must be more than this.

Jesus was hung on that cross for me. For me. He was broken so that I could be made whole.

Jesus was hung on that cross for you. For you. He was broken so that you could be made whole.

We are free in Jesus. We are free to love and be loved like nothing else can offer. He endured what no one can imagine for the sake of our eternal freedom. He bled and bled and bled for our liberation and restoration. To say I am thankful is an understatement.

But the questions still remain.

I saw a t-shirt today. In fact, the shop I work for is selling it. On the front is a picture of a large red button, and on the button it says, ‘Jesus’. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was just that, but sadly it goes to read underneath, ‘It’s just that easy’.

It is heartbreaking to read. I stuffed the t-shirt to the back in the hope that no one will buy and feed the world with this weak gospel that so many people are being fed. So, what gospel are we trying to feed the world?

‘It’s just that easy’?

Even if the t-shirt is referring to salvation, I still cannot have this, not on my watch.

What on earth are we feeding the world?

How about the manufactures go hand that t-shirt to a martyr-to-be? Or to a persecuted Christian?

Is a Naked, bleeding, vulnerable, thirsty Saviour on a cross really that easy to stomach?

Is a realisation of soul-condemning sin and a life of a crushed-self really that easy? I don’t think it is.

When someone realises what they are and how far they are away from God and how in need they are of a saviour, is that really easy to take? The foundational truth of it all is not easy. Realising who you are is not easy at all. It is not that easy in any way.

This could be a starting place at least. Jesus on a cross. Bit by bit. Glimpse by glimpse. Slowly but surely understanding more and more who and what my Jesus truly is.

Day by day by day being devastated into His likeness a little more. This is surely the gospel that should be followed; looking to Jesus because there is no other hope.

Naked.

Bleeding.

Vulnerable.

Thirsty.

My Jesus.

2010-04-08T15:05:00.000+01:00

Live and Learn...

I had to say my goodbyes at home for the final term at Capernwray. Although I am not going there for another 2 weeks, I won’t be home between now and mid-June. I’m sad to say, it didn’t really feel like I was home for very long at all, and this is completely my fault. I found myself being way too busy everyday with all sorts of different things, mostly organising and attending meetings. This first part of my life to be victim to this lack of time was my family. I would like to say I will go home for a few days and just simply be with my family, but it won’t happen until the summer. I find I am learning, at the age of 22, the most basic family life lessons when I am at home.

We live and learn. I mostly certainly live and then after, I learn.

I left early on Thursday morning with Ben and drove down to High Wycombe, arriving at the St Andrews Bookshop warehouse by mid-morning. I was soon put to work by the boss and got stuck in to all kinds of different orders. The preparation for the Spring Harvest conferences had well begun but there was still a lot to get through. After two days in the warehouse we travelled to Minehead, on the west coast, to set up the first Spring Harvest book shop. The conferences are held at Butlins, so people are never short of things to do. After two days of pricing and shelve stacking it was back to the warehouse to pack the vans and then on to Skegness, my residence for the next 2 weeks. I had thought Skegness would be a lot more run down than this but really it isn’t that bad. I can see that within the holiday complexes there is a massive a scope for ministry which makes this place a lot more palatable; after all, we must be kingdom thinking. There are hundreds and good reasons to stay or live here.

The bookshop is up and running, thanks to two long hard days of work. I have been given the morning off, which is fantastic as I can now recharge. At one o’clock I’ll be back into it until about eleven this evening, Although it can be tiring, I can live with this for another 12 days. I still have a few things to pay for so the money earned here will do the job nicely.

It’s a new experience. Yes, it’s the same job as last summer but it’s a new place with a whole load of new people. This is the kind of thing I love doing. Experiencing new things is one of my favourite tastes in life. It breeds opportunity. It breeds learning. Because of a new experience I have the chance to live and the chance to learn.

As I am looking into a busy day I can feel opportunity coming round again. Events like these always seem to dance with excitement at the feel of a well earned session of life education. This is an opportunity not to be sniffed at, and should never be turned down.

Let’s take a hold of the opportunity that awaits all of us today. It is there for everyone, even if it may not feel like it. Simply walking out the door leaves you open all sorts of little gems. God has given us so much. We have so much to be thankful for now but also the opportunities He has laid out for us all.

Join me to LIVE and LEARN.

2010-04-04T14:59:00.006+01:00

Haiti... Suffering?

Why did God let the earthquake in Haiti happen?

This could well be a huge part of the answer...

Watch and soak it up.

Pre-Easter...

2010-04-03T22:55:00.004+01:00

This is the day. This is the day that the gospel began.

The gospel.

It could probably be the most misinterpreted message in the world today. This is big statement, but please take a look at the majority of ministries today and ask the question; what is the TRUE gospel? Seeing as we are only minutes away from the day we celebrate the resurrection, I want to take a look at the whole story. I really want to know the whole story and what it means for me and to me.

{Sojourning}

January is not so cold this year.

Context. Context. Context.

Christmas 2011

Memories...

Grandma Obama's Mangos

Generational Blind-Spots.

Au.then.ti.city.

Sofa and Bed

20 cars.

Nothing in Particular.

Late-Sept

Mid-Sept.

Priorities.

The Contrast of our world...

Greatest.......

Ready for the roof!

Will you plead?

Banter Machines...

My home from home.

Ignorance - Part Deux

The Greatest of Things...

My Room.

January is cold in chicago.

One Down.

The Engagement.

Moody Martyrs.

Relevant Magazine

November

Shhhhh...

Please me people...

Fire.

A Project...

Ignorance.

A Shattering Thought...

From a castle to the 16th floor

Praying for you...

All or Nothing...

Psalm 38:17-22

Home

Capture that...

A Stale Harvest

True that JP...

Sir F. Drake

Learned

Called Home.

Jonah's Prayer

1 From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. 2 He said:

CAR WASH!

My Enemy...

[C0mmUnitY]

Thought...

M@tErIaLi$m cont...

M@tErIaLi$m

Pre-Easter...

¹ From inside the fish Jonah prayed to the LORD his God. ² He said: